I have recently read through The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz and it has brought up some really beautiful shifts in perspective when it comes to assumptions – we all know it is not “good” to make assumptions yet it is something we all do.
One of the agreements we are to make to our Self is to not assume, for we truly do not know the answer but yet we assume to know.  Assumptions guide us to a conclusion created in the fog of uncertainty within the mind of our own and not the mind of the person whom holds the answers.  When we sit in our assumptions we are fostering our fear, shame, imposter cycles that are not made in reality.  The traumas and input from the world around us influences our assumptions so much that we are left sitting in a pit of anguish (most of the time).  If we assume the best, we are often let down as well.  Assumptions lead us down a road of attachment to uncertainty and doubt.  Assumptions breed within us a system that is unclear and that same system creates a foundation that is repeated time and time again.
When it comes to making assumptions, I ask you to keep track of how many times a day you form your own assumption about a situation, an answer, a person, even yourself.  You are assuming you will have x, y or z by this time.  These assumptions create harmful narratives and perpetuate not feeling good enough (shame) and form a reality that you don’t deserve the truth…

In a world where hardened hearts are common how do you become a warm hearted and trusting person after years of harm in many disguised forms? 
We live in a time where hurt gets hurt and love and trust are simply words that fall from a dissected language.    Humans are walking around full of anger, resentment, hostility and entitlement and wonder why life is not going their way.  We need to do better, all of us.   If you believe that you are doing enough, do more.  
Relationships of all kinds tear us apart and our parents are no exception.   As a child kids can be cruel and parents can be unforgiving.   Teachers can destroy self-esteem.   There is an endless list of different types of trauma that each individual encounters in their life time and there are ways in which we can allow ourself peace from these places.
As someone who never felt safe, loveable,   accepted, good enough, worthy and all the other words that depict feelings of misery and inadequacy I have had to relearn how to live.
I have had to learn how to radically accept myself.
I have had to learn how to radically accept others for who they are.
I have had to put down the martyrdom.
I have had to let go of people for showing me the truth of who they are.
I have had to take ownership of my own victimhood.
I have had to forgive those who have harmed and abused me.
I have had to treat my body better.
I have had to create better boundaries.
I have had to create my own business to feel more freedom in life.
I have had to talk to my parents about the truth.
I have had to read a lot of books.
I have had to use Reiki every day.
I have had to meditate every day.
I have had to open my heart again and again.
I have had to be unapologetic in my authenticity.
I have had to use my voice against others.
I have had voices used against me.
I have had to journal and write letters to so many people for emotional release.  (I do not send these letters, I burn them or send them in the mail with no addresses so they get lost in the ethers).
I have had to get creative and consistent in my healing.
I have had to be celibate. 
I have had to remain single.
I have had to...
and the list goes on, the work is here and it is constant but I am not exhausted for I am filling my life with things I enjoy and no longer enslaved to the ideas of society or of family interest.   I am free to live my life as me and for me and with the knowledge that THAT IS TOTALLY ACCEPTABLE.
What have you had to do to break down the walls your life has built up around you?
Where can you make more room to let love in?
In a world where we have been told and told again and again that we don't know better, I encourage you to fucking know better.  To remember that as an individual you have so much power and knowledge and that with each moment you have an opportunity to love again and again, even if that love is for yourself.
You are enough, you have always been enough and you always will be enough.
I love you
I see you
I cherish you
​The world needs your love.

We exist in a world where  the Feminine has been disgarded and tossed aside - the Feminine within each of us regardless of  gender  or sex.   In countries all over the world the ideas of sensuality, naked bodies and the truth of her meaning has been washed away from everyone's consciousness and  is causing harm to not only humans but to Mother Earth.  The power of the Divine Feminine comes not from her physical appearance but from her messages in relation to balance and harmony.  
The Divine Feminine is the  dance in the twilight  through the darkness of the unknown.  It is from the Feminine heart that we are gifted forgiveness and that those who have entered wars and slaughters are met with compassion and healing.  It is within each of us hiding in the darkest corners of our bodies and our minds and she is ready for her rebirth.  As we live on this Earth we can feel her pulse through the quakes and the erruptions, we can feel her fury roar into tsunamis.  It is within her that we witness an entirely different strength.  The strength to see the beauty in destruction, in surrending, in opening to receive and to hold the dark container for the masculine to rise with it.  
The Divine Feminine was something that naturally found its way to me once I began healing some of my deepest wounds including but definitely not limited to, the trauma in my pelvis from medical procedures and from abusive partnerships (emotional, physical and sexual in varying degrees).   It is tied to healing the rejection of my father and the belief that my value as a partner was tied to my abilities in the bedroom.    Finding the Divine Feminine has guided me through true healing of varying experiences and has opened me up to the most sacred relationship, the relationship to myself.   I no longer feel shame surrounding my needs and am able to hold space for so many other people to witness their own self rejections.   It is through this work with the Divine Feminine that you will reclaim your powerful sovereignty over your life and your body.  
These guides take 15-30 minutes each and are intended to be implemented one at a time, the time was important as I do not want you to make an excuse as to why you cannot take action.  If you do not have 15-30 minutes a day of time for yourself you need to re-prioritize.  My hope is that these written words inspire you to take these 7 steps in 7 days to activate, nourish and witness the beauty in your Feminine so without further ado,  here they are.

1.  Introductions: This practice allows your to witness yourself behind the mask, it will help unveil your inner self and introduce you to your inner Feminine.    

•  activity:  Stand or sit naked in front of a mirror where you can see your eyes and body.   Put a timer on your phone or watch the clock for 1 minute.  Begin glancing over your body, noticing every part, every bone, every roll, every wrinkle and witness the beauty in her.  Take note of if this feels like a long time, short time, if it is uncomfortable or safe, are you criticizing yourself? why? Speak only words of kindnes and don't forget to give love to the  part/s that you are so quick to judge.  Once your timer goes off, reset it for 1 minute and gaze into your own eyes through the reflection in the mirror.  Let your eyes soften and look into them.  If you find it difficult to focus on both try focusing on one eye instead.  Take note of how you feel, if you are able to smile, cry, if it is weird, or you wonder why you are even doing it.  Take 15 minutes to journal about your experience.

2.  Naked mirror practice and heart massage.  Breasts  on men and women are connected to the heart and it is important to take care of this part of the body.  This exercise is to activate your heart and let you feel love and expansion while balancing hormones and detoxing the body.

• activity.  Stand or sit naked in front of a mirror with some oil or nice body butter beside you.  Set your timer for 1 minute and begin glancing over your body just as the previous day.  Witnessing everything and offering yourself love and compassion.  It is okay to have resistance, the important thing is to notice the resistance and where it is targeted.  Once your timer goes off, take your oil or body butter and rub it into the palms of your hands with the intention of touching your body with loving hands.  Place your hands palm down on either side of your heart and breathe in 5 deep breaths exhaling "ahhhhhhh" out loud.   Breast massage helps to clear toxins, balance hormones, activate the heart chakra and keep breasts full , lifted and healthy.   Avoid the nipple and aeriola, this is focused on the muscle and fat of the breast from the armpit to just below the crease of the breasts.  Begin at the top exterior of the breast (almost at the armpit) with the palm of the hand (one on each breast)  and massage in small circles in an outward motion slowly 20 times, repeat in reverse 20 times.  Move your palms down to the outside of the breast area and repeat outward and inward circles 20 times.  Create a figure 8 going around and across each breast with your hands with light pressure 8-10 times.  Use your four finger to gently knead the breast tissue.  Repeat figure 8 steps and then rest your hands flat on your chest and breathe for 2 minutes.  Bring your hands down to your belly and do 8 circles to the right and 8 circles to the left covering the entire belly.  Rest with your hands on your belly.  Feel the opening of the heart and the movement of energy.   I have included two charts that demonstrate slightly different breast massage techniques.  

3.  Refamiliarizing yourself with your body and increasing circulation.  Who doesn't enjoy having their body rubbed with oils?  Receiving a massage is something I love and one day realized I never give myself them so this is an invitation to you to start a self-massage practice.   Every day after I shower I lather myself in oils and feel the beauty of my body, even the squishier parts I use to hide and hate.  Now I love when I grab my thighs and belly, it feels so good to release the tension they hold. 

• activity:  after your shower and your body is warm and open take your favourite body butter, coconut oil  or avocado oil and take your time massaging it into every inch of your body.  Taking care of your skin with healthy and organic products feels so good for the soul and our inner Feminine is so in tune with nature that using products of Earth gives us a sense of connection and power over our own health, even in such a small action.   Skin is our largest organ and receives everything it touches so please ensure that you are using natural solutions if it is within your means - grab whatever oil you've got and use it - research some housemade body oils - let yourself get creative and make your own oil rubs, it is so easy and makes the experience so much nicer - taking care of your body will leave you feeling more full.     Massaging your body after you shower helps to release muscle tension and detox the adrenals.    Steam opens everything up and allows penetration at a deeper level.    Lock your door and enjoy your self-massage.

4.  Dance in the darkness.  The Feminine has the ability to walk into the darkness with authority and confidence in each of her steps she is also fiercely her authentic self and lets no one stop her from being a weirdo.   This is your opportunity to dance like no one is watching. 

• activity:  either inside or out ensure it is dark and light a few candles in safe areas.     Choose a song that lets your feel the slowness in your movements, a slow song that gets your juices flowing.     Youtube if your bestfriend if you have access and you can google goddess  mantra songs or activating my goddess and you should get some options if you feel stuck.   It may be a 90s R&B song.    Whatever lets you drop into your hips and feel the movements in your spine.  If you want to put on a faster jam after and dance around or twerk please do so.  Please start with the slow song and see how you move intuitively, drop the ego and just move.  Roll on the floor, bend your knees, stick your chest and butt out, make figure 8s with your hips, whatever you want, dance like no one is watching.  

5.  Reconnecting to your womb/sacral chakra/pelvis.  Dearmouring with exterior womb massage.    Everyone holds tension, memories, shame and worthiness in their sacral chakra.  Using massage helps connect us to a part of the body that is often neglected unless sex is involved and helps to breakdown shame programs and works with forgiveness and releasing if painful memories.  Go slow with this and do not hold back what comes forward.  The first time I gave myself a womb massage I cried my eyes out, the next time I was smiling and happy.  It is an experience and one that provides self-healing.

• activity: make this as done up or as simple as you would like.  You can set the mood and  and make an altar or you can lie down on the floor or bed  as it is already.   If you want to dress it up and let yourself have a beautiful space do so.   I recommend either not wearing pants or wearing loose waisted pants that do not restrict you.  Lie down and take your massage oil/butter and rub it into your hands, set the intention that your hands are infusing your body with love and light and place them palms down resting on your hips/pelvis/womb.    After taking 8 deep breaths, inhale into the nose and exhale through the mouth saying "ahhhhhhh" you may begin.    Beginning with very gentle pressure  create circles rotating in an outward direction   with both hands for as long as you need and then reverse.   Allow the circles to naturally increase in size and pressure.    This should be around 5 minutes.   Then take your fingertips and making smaller circles  tracing the centre of the pelvis, about 3 minutes.  Now use your entire hand and make wavelike motions  moving across the pelvis area.   Let your intuition guide you.   If parts feel painful spend some more time there and go slow and easy.  This is a highly sensitive area of the body.   Use different parts of the hand and continue on your womb massage.    The process should be 20-30 minutes.  Once you have completed the massage lie in stillness and silence for a few minutes breathing and maybe even moving the legs or spine to release energy.    Journal about your experience and then sit outside to ground.  Ensure you drink lots of water as water is the element of the sacral chakra and will help clear and replenish the energy.

6.  Dress like you own it.   Clothing can be a beautiful tool of expression and it doesn't need to be glamarous.   I know I didn't wear dresses or skirts or low cut tops because I didn't want the attention before.    Now I wear what I want when I want and don't care if someone is staring.  I have strong boundaries and have no problem holding them with others when it comes to my body.    Being sexualized so young took a toll on my self-expression when it came to looking pretty/sexy/glamarous.    Now I feed my inner Feminine by dressing up when she feels like it.

• activity: journal first and then dress.  What does sexy mean to you? What does femininity mean to you? What would you wear if you truly didn't care what others thought?  makeup no makeup? jewellery no jewellery?  Get into how she shows up.  Now dress like a boss! Casual is sexy.  Maybe it isn't sexy you're going for, maybe it is comfort that she wants today, do that.    Dress like you want and wear it with confidence.

7.  Salt Clearing: ritual bath/footsoak/bodyscrub.  Choose your adventure depending on what you have access to.    If you have a bath that is my recommendation, if not, make a footsoak in a big mixing bowl or your sink, if that is not an option take some finley ground salt and coconut oil, mix them into a paste and this is your body scrub to cleanse.

• activity: set up a sacred space for yourself to enjoy this alone time and celebrate yourself. Give yourself the permission to turn the phone off, to light some candles, to make a delicious treat and to climb into a Goddess bath that is just for you.   Use high quality salts for your bath as your body absorbs what you soak in and allow the salt to do its thing.   Salt clears energy, it helps clear the lungs, break down scar tissue and protect your energy body as well.   Salt comes from Mama Earth so again you're activating that natural connection to the Feminine and supplying yourself with medicine.  Salt is my go to for most things.   If you want to put some fresh flowers in the bath with you  please do so.   Bonus if you wanna massage some delicious oils all over your body after your bath.   Play music, don't, meditate or don't,  but please take time to witness your beautiful body as you lie in the hot water healing your body.   If you do not have a tub sub in footsoak and do the same process.   You can detox a lot out of the souls of your feet and salt helps increase circulation.   You can vizualise all that you wish to leave exiting your body into the water.   Dispose of the water outside if you have used all natural products and thank yourself for honouring where you are at.   If you feel called to use the scrub, lube yourself up with that beautiful salt scrub and let sit on the skin for 10 minutes while the salt soaks up all the energetic sludge from your energy field and helps to pull the dead skin off the body.     Wash well in the shower but please be careful as oil makes the shower rather slick.     Let yourself have the time and space to enjoy whichever process you choose to use for your clearing ritual.    May your Goddess be with you from this day on.   It is always nice to journal after or during one of these clearings which I recommend doing once a week.   Witness what has shifted and what is changing.

Each of these steps guide you into taking action towards loving and embracing some of the pieces of us that have been shamed whether we see it or not.    It is an invitation to try something different and to take a different perspective on what it means to live in the Feminine.    It is not an outward expression but rather an inward experience of self love and devotion.

I hope you found this helpful on your journey to discovering your juicy self and that you will join the 7 day challenge beginning  Monday, September 14 where you will receive daily email updates to support you on your journey.   Join other women and seduce the inner Feminine.   

Sitting down to write out these entries has been extremely therapeutic; I have always felt at home when writing.  As I sit today and wonder what will come I have been stricken with the relationships in my life and how they have reflected this chosen theme of pain.

Growing up and witnessing a back and forth relationship between my parents seems to have engrained itself within me.  Each romantic partnership I have had before this one was carefully sewn together in pain and chaos.  They were reflections of how I felt about myself and my stability.  Attaching to relationships to create stability out of the unstable reinforced my need for the dramatics.  I know now that for a long time I associated fighting with love, lust and passion.  If the relationship was not up and down and sideways in every which way I would find a reason to break the stability.  I remember the verbal and physical abuse I put up with through trauma bonding and how I longed for acceptance of my partner in every way.  I looked for validation that my physical body was enough as sex and cheating had been dominating my subconscious mind.  I needed them to apologize, they rarely did.  I would be the one pleading and apologizing, a further sacrifice of my self respect than I cared to admit until my mid 20s.  I see this so much in women I work with of all ages, to smooth the air and roll over on their own values and inner knowing to regain the peace in the relationship.  I know now that when we roll over in such a way it is reflection of a deep rejection of the self.  I know now when someone has over stepped that it is not my responsibility to take their pain or discomfort away surrounding what they have done.  It is my job to respect myself and know that I am a deserving human.  I have used my voice and power to get women out of bad situations and I will continue to do so.  We all need some help sometimes no matter who you are or where you come from.

When I sit with women in circle sharing experiences and talking about what has happened in our lives and how we can be empowered in our story I am able to witness their determination and their ability to transcend the pain, the darkness.  I see their strength and desire to be honestly loved.  When I would sit with myself I would get lost in the memories of being cheated on, of the memories of men groping me or abusing me in their preferred way.  I would continuously get lost in the knowing that I was disposable to people.  I was sucked into the “why me” victim mentality as if I had no control…I could have left…I don’t have children with any of them…I never lived with them…

As I sit here and have been writing I am again taken to the fact that within those pains there were good people, I chose not to see them.  There were a few guys I started dating casually at separate times in my life that were kind, caring and grounded.  I saw them as boring.  If I had to change plans or cancel last minute for whatever reason, they were understanding, they were not jealous, they were happy I let them know.  This was so foreign to me that I did not know what to do with it.  I had become so use to the chaos and the uncertainty and the jealousy that when someone did not demonstrate these qualities I found the relationship mundane.  Needless to say, none of those kind hearted individuals made the cut.  I repeated the abusive relationships until I was 24/25.

After finally having enough I left my x after a few holes punched in a wall, a lamp thrown, him locking himself in my bathroom and threatening to kill himself…all while I had company over.  After this relationship, I asked myself what in the world was I doing, I don’t deserve this, no one does.  So I stopped dating, I retired.  I went celibate for a year and I no longer trusted in my ability to choose a partner.  My history spoke for itself.  What I did not realize was that I was choosing these ones over those who showed me tenderness and care, I was choosing the chaos because that was normal, comfortable and my root chakra was so underdeveloped.
I had a friend ask me many times to meet the gentleman I am with now, I refused for 6 months.  When we finally met it was magic - we both knew this was something different.  We have been together for three years in November, not a super long time, but long enough to have had to grow through our own shadows together.  To be with someone who is able to communicate when angry, where we are both able to give the other one space and come back to a conversation when needed, to be able to simply be and have deep practices with one another is a gift I will forever cherish.

He catches me at times trying to find something to fight about, something to nit pick and create drama.  He sees the pattern and calls me out.  This was really hard at first but over the past year I have been able to witness it when it comes up and am able to see what I am truly upset about.  When we exist in the pain for too long the ability to live in sustained joy feels too foreign and we keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.  When will it end? When will the chaos begin?  This is a retraining of my mind to accept the peace, joy and love that is available and to stop chasing the chaos.

Living in a way that puts you in a place of pain and shame hides itself from you.  It does not want to be seen for once it is seen you have the responsibility to either continue on this cycle or to begin working to dismantle the systems of pain, shame and complacency that exist within.  Eventually we all have to make a decision and we have to commit to it.

The evolution that has begun taking place inside of me in just over one week’s time has been quite profound.  My physical body feels lighter, I have lost weight and my food cravings have almost completely stopped.  Energetically we hold pain and joy differently.  Pain is stagnant, dense and difficult to move whereas joy is lighter, vibrates more quickly and generates a frequency of expansion.  The body holds onto everything unless we are consciously moving it and letting things go.  As I have been stepping into each day with a fresh set of eyes and asking what I need today to be able to continue to dismantle this addiction to pain, I receive different answers.  I am learning to trust myself and happiness for what feels like the first time and I am letting people go who are sitting in a place of aggression.

When you rise out of the ashes you will leave people behind.  When your frequency shifts from pain to love you will lose people as you will no longer resonate with some of them any longer.  You will awaken to those around you and witness their addictions to pain and sorrow as well.  You will begin to see how much of the life surrounding you has been fabricated to support your pain story.  When you finally choose to live, those who choose to dwell will fall from you like water out of a tap.  You will become liberated and it will come with what your ego will convince you is sacrifice.
Change does not happen over night nor should it.  Change comes about when you decide where you want to go and recognize the requirements to get there.  If you simply acknowledge the problem does it go away? Not usually.  There are usually action steps required to see through this solution.  Yes acknowledge that it is there and then ask yourself, what am I going to do about it?.

So many people are walking around with this same addiction unknowingly committing themselves to a life of misery and solitude.  I speak so bluntly because until last week I was one of those people, even with all that I have in front of me, I was miserable and alone.  This is again the beginning of my journey of healing my addiction to pain and I will continue to share the layers as they unravel from my being.

This is my recovery.​

Make sure you read part 1 to get the full evolution of this journey and watch for part 3 in the days to come relating to my journey as an entrepreneur.

The time has come for a huge piece of my identity to fall away and wash off by body on a cellular level once and for all.  I believe it is the entire makeup of my identity if I am being brutally honest which I am going to try and be for the majority of this segment.
The darkness, what is it? The light, what is it? Are they not two in the same? One cannot exist without the other right?
Yes, all of these are true and the darkness is the ability to see the light and I am learning not to consciously seek the darkness day in and day out.  I am learning once again to seek the light.  And honestly, I am not sure what that will look like to me at this point in time but I am open to the changes.
As many of you know my journey with spirituality began when I was 18 and started meditating to help my insomnia and self harm, what I did not know was the journey I would begin two years later.

Growing up, my family had its challenges, alcohol addictions and drug abuse, the first time I saw a line of cocaine in real life, I was 12.  The first time I saw someone absolutely wasted I believe I was 8.  Fighting in the house wasn’t really “normal” until my parents decided it was time for the official divorce - they kept trying to make it work but it never did…Once the fighting started, I was usually home without my other siblings, or that is what I remember, and I would leave, I would run.  I would run so fast out of the house and go to the creek just beside us and hide for hours until I would return home once I knew it was safe, it was usually dark by then.  For two years my parents lived under the same roof while separated and renovating the house getting ready to sell it; within those two years neither of them were home a lot.  My Mom working a lot of overtime in retail and my Dad spending a lot of time with his new girlfriend and away from the chaos, guilt and shame.  My Dad lived in the basement bedroom that had its own attached bathroom and I don’t really remember having family dinners anymore once that happened.  This was the beginning, or that is what I thought until a few years ago…

You see, my parents tried and tried to stay together for their 4 kids many times.  My father and mother each have their own life paths and this was apart of it.  They tried, I am honouring that in this process that they really did try to make it work for them and us and that they obviously didn’t expect their lives to turn out this way…. So, when I was 3 or 5, I think closer to 3, I remember my Dad leaving one stormy night with the intention of not returning.  I held onto his leg and begged him to stay, bawling and crying, my Mom had to pry my little fingers off of his pants.  I was a Daddy’s girl, he was my Papa Bear and I his little princess.  I would do anything to feel that love again, and this is the journey I am beginning.  This is the process I have begun, to remember the love of a father, to remember the love of a daughter, to remember the innocence.

There are so many memories that I have chosen to hold onto that reflect the pain and discomfort and no matter how much work I have done or how many stories I have told I am still heavy with pain in my mind and my body.  I am riddled with fear of never amounting to anything because I have become comfortable in every way.  I have been working with a Reiki Master and her insights have been extremely helpful and when she mentioned that I am in the dark, my pores, my insides, they’re black but all around me is light.  The light is trying so hard to come in but you are just comfortable being the victim… To be the victim of life is not something I never really felt as I was able to support myself, I even made dinner for the family for a long time when I was 12 - 14 years old.  But here I am, choosing to remember the painful parts of my past, the abuse at home, the abuse at school, the sexual shaming, the abusive relationships, the sexual trauma, the illusions of security with certain people and places, I have chosen to block out the good memories that exist.

Misery loves company is one of the truest statements I have ever been able to witness.  Your story reflects your ability to spread love or misery…Right now, reflecting at my partner, I am spreading misery not love or freedom, I am spreading a darkness falsely claiming to be light.
How did this obsession with the darkness continue for so long and even continue once I stepped into being a full time healer?  Well, I have been reflecting on that and my partner always says, “don’t be so proud of the pain you have endured”. I was wearing it like a metal, look what I have been through, look how I survived… For you see, our pain does hold a certain power to it and when we come out of it part of us can attach to it.  If you have gone through pain after pain after pain and chosen not to see the light in the middle, you become addicted to the pain.  You forget what joy feels like, what play or innocence feels like.  You get lost in the pain and look for ways to stay there because that is what you have grown in, that is where you planted your seed.
So YES, I am a survivor, a warrior, a lover and a fighter but I am so much more than those things and this is the journey I am on now.  To find who I am without the need to fight every day, to find who I am without the desire to feel like shit and feel shame.  To find freedom in the human form and liberate myself from my own story once again.  This is another unbecoming and it is right time with this Solar eclipse, new moon, summer solstice in Cancer.  Right now leaders are being born, skin is being shed, a new earth is being developed and it has the ability to drastically shift your life if you are willing to see your own bullshit.

The Reiki Master I have been working with asked me to remember the good memories of my childhood.  It has taken me a few weeks to remember them but now they are all coming back and I am remembering TRUE gratitude. Growing up we were safe, fed, went to school and each of my siblings and myself played a sport at an extremely competitive level.  This alone is more than some children will ever have.  We were loved by my parents, we had soup and bagel night on Wednesdays when everyone had a sport to play, we had Sunday brunch with crepes my Dad would make.  We had a pool and a backyard that the entire neighbourhood was welcome to use and we lived beside a family with 5 kids who were all the same age as us.  My grandparents lived down the street, also had a pool, and our Christmas dinners were on average 25 people and anyone was welcome to join who had no where to go.  My Dad’s parents live up North in Muskoka on Skeleton lake so I grew up (until the age 12/13) spending time there in the winter on snow mobiles and having bonfires on the frozen lake.  In the summer we would go tubing, fishing, swimming, have fires and roast mallows.  We would brings friends up and my Grampie would show us his beautiful photography on a slide projector.  My favourite was the photos he took while they were in Africa for the great migration, that was where my love for photography was birthed, just like everything else that lights my soul up, I have stopped that too.  I am writing this out so that I can remember even deeper the beauty that was my life, that was mixed with the batter of years to come.  I remember watching the Patriot with my family and I was sitting on the couch with my Dad, I would have been 10 or 11 and he started to cry when the church was burnt down.  I remember his sensitive heart and I am seeing how hardened it has become from years and years of neglect from his children and his own separation from his family.

I see the pain in my sister and the escape of my brother, I feel the pain in the family and it is time to stop carrying it for them.  We all have a life now that is very blessed and full of love, what is left within me is a choice to carry.  A choice to sit with the pains of the past or a choice to believe in the love that was there.  I had a partner for all of high school and it was my safe haven, yes I relied on him way too much and believed he would be my one and only so when he cheated on me I was devastated, my friends knew.  This was another betrayal I have held onto under the illusion that I had let it go. In reality, we were kids, we were 20 and we were learning, we didn’t know.  He supported me and was always there for me when I needed someone to hold me and support me and lean on and his family took me in as their own.  I lived with a girlfriend in elementary school when my parents told us they were separating, and I lived with my Aunt.  I have had so many families that it is bringing me to tears as I know some will never have one.  I am remembering a time of love, a time of hope and belief in the human race and I am choosing not to stand by in the dark and hold onto the pains of the past but to remember the memories that showed my heart it was loved and the opportunities I have had that others will never know.

The hardest pill to swallow is that I have created a reality that allows me to stay small, stay still, stay safe and play the victim.  I have chosen to be bitter and to judge and to not see the light in humanity.  You may see me differently if you have worked with me in circle or with reiki or in whatever other capacity, even as an employer, but inside, I have always been dark.  I have always remained in the shadows.  Even now, I do not know who I am without the darkness and it is not something I am proud of.

I guess the point of writing this was mostly for myself, maybe you got to this point, maybe you found some resonance or simply heard my voice, but I want to remind you that pain is an addiction and it is one of the hardest ones to heal.

This is my recovery.

Energy is real, we know it exists and that everything emits a frequency...Why is it so many people have resistance to believing that you can heal your energy body to heal your mind and physical body...I have watched so many people go down the rabbit hole with doctors and family and friends with no available solutions other than to medicate.  Doctors are trained (I should add that not all, yet a large majority) to treat symptoms and not necessarily take a  holistic approach.  Cause and effect is real when it comes to mental health and I am tired of seeing so many people zombified at the hands of the medical system. 
I  was diagnosed with depression when I was 12 (in reality the first time I experienced this disconnection I was  3 years old).  I was then asked to go on medication when I was 14, I fought my Mom and provided her with reasons and proof as to why I did not want to go on it.  I was lucky in the fact that she did not try to make me go on medication.  My sister on the other hand has been on medication since she was 14, she is now 31.  By that time I had witnessed two suicides, both while on medication that is no longer prescribed due to its intensity and sporatic behaviours and I witnessed another attempted suicide again, while on medication... The systems at play behind the kind hearted doctor are not honest, they are not in integrity.  Big pharma is one of the biggest money makers in the world and it is made off the pains of every day humans.
Now I understand that western and modern medicine is helpful and very productive, it also has a huge shadow side where humans are stripped of their power because a medical professional knows better.  I believe we are being shown right now that a  lot of medical professionals are not leaders, they are followers of the rules and why would the rules change when those at the top make more money off the sick than the healthy?
Energy healing, whatever type of modality you are interested in, has proven to be effective in more than one case and over the course of many, many years (what's up ancient India and the Vedas for example or Traditional Chinese Medicine).  When we are facing the mental health crisis, for lack of a better term, that we are currently in is it not fair to question the way that it has been handled? It is not fair to question the way of life that we are being forced to lead? It is not fair to question and to learn and become our own advocate? It is not fair to be provided with the facts that those who claim to have the answers know very little about how the mind actually functions? They know so little yet are prescribing medication as a way to fix it that has extremely harmful effects on the body over time.  How can your liver sustain a long and healthy life when it is constantly purifying the prescriptions, birth control, drugs and alcohol that are being consumed on a regular basis.  Please do not get me started on the quality of food being pumped out to the masses...
I have been witness to those in positions of counselling take advantage of underage and vulnerable women, just as in any other job there is room for predators to slither their way through the cracks. 
I have seen and been beside so many people in my life who are on medication and have been on and off medication for years and I have been able to maintain my life medication free and have found more healing and peace than almost all of them.  I have spent a lot of time and money on myself and investigating my pains, my depression and my complete disconnection from myself and trained myself to heal.  Meditation, Reiki, plant medicines have all been a HUGE part of my journey.  Meditation is my medication and we are actually seeing more psychotherapists and therapists use mindfulness in healthy ways.  In fact we are seeing a very small percentage use mindfulness practices to help wean patients off of medication.
I am not a doctor, I am not a psychologist, I am a Reiki Master Teacher, I am not advising you to stop anything you are currently doing at the advise of your MD.  I am simply sharing my experience.
I have 10 years experience working with energy in this capacity and working with humans in a 1:1 and group container that has helped women and men heal some of their deepest pains.
Obviously like everything else this takes time and commitment from everyone involved and it is not easy.  Of course it is easier to believe that there is a magic pill that will take all of your pains away but guess what, there is not.  Even on medication people go to counselling, group therapy, alanon, AA etc.  There is no magic pill.
What works for me may not be the remedy for you just as what works for you may not work for your neighbour.
Your energy holds your memories, your pains and your joys alike.  When these energies are constantly being pushed through your system eventually they end up in a traffic jam like situation where you are unable to even think about something without it becoming extremely overwhelming.  I get it, I was there, I still get there sometimes because growth is not linear.
Healing is not linear and it is continuous.
If you are not growing you are stagnant and stagnancy breeds more stagnant energy.
Your energy body is just as important as your physical health, you can be the most physically fit person and be in so much pain inside that nothing matters...I have witnessed that too...
Your energy body runs through you every day and it surrounds you  with  your aura, your energetic field that you emit just as I do.
This energy comes into contact with everything and everyone and it is no wonder so many of us are walking around with so much shit stuck to us we cannot even move.  We are stuck in piles of shit thrown onto us from our family, friends, society, decades and years of trauma and so much self hatred and self disgust it is impossible to see through the mud.  Not to mention everyone elses bullshit that you pick up from day to day.  Humans are naturally empathetic, it is part of our heart programming.
You are energy.
Energy healing dives into that and if you find an honest practitioner they will teach you how to care for, heal and protect your own energy systems.
Energy healing is real and I am sick of hearing people question everything someone says when it has to do with something that has been almost outlawed by big pharma.
Guess what, they don't want a  healthy population because a healthy population is an empowered population and an empowered population will not roll over when the government screams quarantine.
I know this may see extreme in the tone I am taking and what I am saying, but I have lived it many times over.  I witness it daily.
You are energy.
You are sacred.
You have the right to proper fucking education.
You have the right to be free and it starts with breaking the chains of oppression that have been instilled into the world from wyt, upperclass men, the elites, which we are also seeing  women in these spaces now too.

Think for yourself, question authority.
Think for yourself, question authority.
Think for yourself, question authority.

We sit in our homes if we are   so blessed and privileged to have them.    We sit in our homes surrounded by those we love or with phones to connect us, if we are so privileged.   We go to the stores and get our food, if we are so privileged.  We exist in a time where we are being guided to rest and re-evaluate, if we are so privileged.  We exist as we are in this time with many of those in front of  us suffering behind the lines.  We sit in a world where so many of us are being shown the systems of dependency and are left with whatever feelings that brings to the surface.   We live in a time where we are witnessing humanity in a way that we have not seen in a long time.   We see politicians blaming the other and going forward  against certain countries, we witness the public acting in ways of  self preservation without consideration for their neighbours, community or country.  We are seeing  people go against the recommended procedures and putting others at risk just as we are witnessing those less privileged or capable of taking care of themselves being penalized by this virus we seem to be holding onto.  We are witnessing so much pain, I could go on and on into all of the pain and truth we are witnessing in this unique time for so many of us, yet I am going to stop.  On the other side of all of this fear and blame we are also witnessing the power of love, the strength in unity and the power of connection.

As each of us sit in our spaces covered in our own masks we are given an opportunity to reach down inside of ourselves and feel the power of our hearts.  Helplessness and powerlessness breed emotions that hold us small and in control while helpfulness and empowered enable us to grow and to break the cycles.   

I would like to return us to our hearts in this crazy and chaotic time.  Love yourself and love your neighbour and love that stranger.     Our hearts hold secrets that we have long forgotten.    We have forgotten that you catch more bees with honey and that we have the power to breathe air into those around us through the contagion of love.   I have witnessed the joy and the love being shared among strangers as we keep our distance at the stores or on the streets, I have witnessed the hearts of those working in hardware stores to go above and beyond to help when they were told no.  I have witnessed citizens making masks for their sick neighbours and family members.   I have witnessed the power of the heart.    I have witnessed strangers buying groceries for an elderly person so they did not have to go into the stores.  I have witnessed the love within human nature.

When we are in a state of love our stress hormones drop and we release oxytocin which helps our bodies in so many ways.     When we are stuck in a place of anger, resentment and personal protection (the downside of the solar plexus energy) we shrink our hearts and as a result our auric shield becomes smaller and weaker allowing us more susceptible to energetic and physical ailments.   I can feel some of you rolling your eyes, to be honest, I don't really care.  I still love you and I hope that you open your heart and feel the weight lift off of your shoulders.   Our chests sit heavy and our shoulders carry the weight and restrictions of those around us - take notice of how they feel.   And now place your hands over your chest  and breathe into your hands with the connection to love.  "I am love." "I send love to myself and to others." Breathe for a few minutes and expand the chest, open the heart.   Do some gentle twists of the spine opening the chest up to the sky.  Become love.

When we come from a place of love it does not mean that we do not feel fear, it means that we recognize the fear in others, we recognize the pain in others and we are able to offer acceptance and understanding versus ignorance. 

I mentioned something on my instagram about how to take action when we feel powerless.    It is a reminder that if we sit with the privilege to help then find what you can do and do something.   Something small often helps others and helps fill this heart chakra.   You are not doing work to get acknowledgment, you are doing work to simply be of service to others and to love them.

Let love guide you home and let love touch your breath with every inhale.  May you be found in love so that you may find others in love as well.

I recommend a Reiki session once every three weeks as upkeep, just as a massage is recommended to encourage healing of twists and knots and tightness, Reiki works in a similar fashion.    Your energy is your responsibility just as your physical health is.     There are tools that you can learn from practitioners that can aid you on your own work and your independent energy practices.     Learning tools to help clear your energy is something I  am very passionate  about.    The more attention you give to your energetic body the more energy you have for yourself.  When we do not pay attention to our energy and energetic fields we can get lost, unmotivated, confused, angry, irritated, saddened, ungrounded and many other things. 
Why does this happen?
Any of these things can happen  due to the fact that you are not only carrying your energy, you are carrying your friend's, co-worker's, family members', the cashier's, the bar tender's, the sad child's, your pet's etc.     As you walk around from day to day and experience life through your lens and lend a hand or a heartfelt hug, or you are holding in that anger or sadness out of the false belief that you are protecting others, this stays in your energy.     It is why I am able to tune into what happened to you in your life that has left you depleted in whichever way that is.     Every day wear and tare happens to our clothes, our cars, our  properties, why do we not believe that it can happen to our energy as well?
One of the things I recommend to everyone I work with is designing a way to clear their energy daily -  at first this may seem like a lot or maybe you don't feel you have the time (even though it only takes a few  minutes).     Clearing yourself monthly can be extremely beneficial - let it all go.
We carry the stories of our days with us into the next, this energetic residue sits in your aura and around your physical body.     By the time the energetic residue  sticks to your physical body you then have the karmic responsibility to it, this is a deeper lesson.     If you are able to release these things before they reach the physical layer you are able to move through them with ease.     Let go of the anger, grief, sadness, self-loathing, regret, shame, embarrassment,  while it is still fresh. 
Clearing your energy also allows you to learn how you are actually feeling through embodiment consciousness.     We do not tune into our physical body nearly enough and setting time to tune in and witness yourself as you are helps relieve stress, overwhelm, anxiety and confusion.    Every human is able to feel the energies of others and when you clear  yourself and tune into your body you get more clear on what you are feeling  vs. experiencing.     This allows you to clear out the influence or voices of others and remain true to what you desire/know you can accomplish.  It is this action that helps keep you motivated and clear headed. 
Something I offer is energetic education, which simply means I help educate humans on the workings of their own energy and how to use basic to advanced techniques for a more grounded, free and love filled life.
Monthly clearings under the Full Moon were one of my first experiences with ritual clearings and are something I love doing for myself.     I have recently developed a Group Clearing & Healing online that will take place under the Full Moon each month.     In these sessions we go into the  current energies at play and how to use them in accordance to how you are feeling.     I tune into each individual and they receive Reiki and healing throughout the duration of the evening as well as big clearings for all types of energies at play.     These are an affordable service as I know not everyone has the opportunity to pay for my 1:1 sessions or packages and these are extremely powerful.  They have been found to help clear anxiety by the end of the group session and ease feelings of sadness.  They leave you feeling loved, empowered and centred in who you are.    I encourage every person to clear their energy and if you do not know how I always give tips and tricks on how to clear yourself in your every day life.

May you be with yourself and may you be clear, 
xox 
-Jessy

if you are interested in this month's clearing simply go to events/services on the menu tab to check them out and register. xox

As if this year wasn't feeling jam packed enough already, we are dealing with a serious portal with the beautiful numerical vibrations of 02, 08, 11 and 04. 02 Being the month of February, 08 being the total of month+day+year, 11 being the 2+9 representing today's date, and 4 being our Universal Year 2+0+2+0=4.  Throw in the energy of the time warp as we are only in this energy once every 4 years.

The creation of the leap year came in the reign of Julius Caesar but was then recalibrated after 16 centuries and a total loss of 12 days by the Gregorian calendar in 1582, this places us 13 days ahead of the Julian calendar (Julius Caesar).  Why the change in calendars? Well you see, the Sun rotates around the Earth every 365.2425 days leaving us with an extra 5 hours and 48 minutes left over in each year and because humans are humans and we need the illusion of control, time and organization in this way, Pope Gregory XIII found this route of molding time to fit within our world.  

On this day we experience a void, a space that we otherwise would not get to witness and having an extra day each year to be human.  Now, the beauty with this day is the Spiritual energy of the numbers and the gift from Universe to take time and remember the importance of consciousness and connection.  

11 is a Master number known for high spiritual enlightenment and awakening.  It is encouraging for growth, inspiration, creativity, enthusiasm and optimism.  11 is a number that is also associated with granting wishes through Spiritual growth and acknowledgment that all matter is produced by light. 

02 is the number associated with harmony, balance, intuition, sensitivity and inner strength.  02 encourages us to welcome peace and balance into our lives while supporting our own goals and those around us.  What may be coming up at this time as we are in Mercury retrograde is the clarity of sight in regards to those around you.  So often we stick by people out of the goodness of our hearts when in reality it can be those same people who are standing in our way of truly claiming our voices and standing our ground for what we desire most.  Where can you offer yourself balance and harmony? What insights have you been resisting so far in this year? Where is your strength and dedication on a scale of 1-5?  02 is also associated with the Divine Feminine; this allows us to enter a deep space of compassion, love, understanding and going with the flow.  Take the past of least resistance unless the resistance is coming from within.  If that is the case as yourself why you are resisting the changes or guidance being presented?

08 is the number we all know to be abundance.  Now it does not mean abundance will simply be granted on this day but it welcome the energy of determination, organization, planning and responsibility.  It is through these acts of dedication (thank you energy of #02) to harmony and balance and the spiritual guidance (thank you energy of #11) that we are able to achieve this abundance available in the #08.  08 is also a very fluid number, write it down and see how the circles flow into the next.  When turned sideways it is the symbol of infinity and it is also one step before the completion found in #09.  08 is an appreciation of the growth you have made, the gratitude for where you are and what you have, gratitude for the world around you and witnessing the abundance in the natural world.  If you are finding resistance within this number as yourself what you can be grateful for you? What abundance is already available to me in this very moment? Take a breath and feel the abundance of air in this world? Move your body and get creative as this number also encourages new ideas surrounding money. 

04, this is the overall forecast of the year in numerology.  There are 9 years 1-9.  How you find the year is by simply adding all the numbers up of that year and if needed reducing them to a single digit.  Example, 2019/ 2+0+1+9 = 12 =1+2=3 meaning 2019 was a year 3.  2020/ 2+0+2+0 = 4.  The number 4 appears so often in our society as basic levels of understanding: 4 elements, 4 directions, 4 winds, 4 states of matter, 4 blood types, 4 noble truths of Buddhism, 4 gospels and so on.  This number holds a vibration of leadership, self responsibility and no bullshit.  This is the ending of the spiritual bullshit of manifestation, believe and it will appear, think it and it will come.  This is where we do the work.  Last year we were cracked open, we got to witness the pieces of our self and our lives that were no longer working, that had been holding us back and we saw through illusions of those around us.  This year is taking it that much further with Karmic releases at a new decade and the ending of 3 planetary cycles, Saturn, Pluto and Neptune.  This is a year for us to take responsibility over the creation of our lives and clear our third eye and pineal gland communications to one another.  You will no longer be drawn to the easy "bait" that so many leaders have been relying on for centuries because we are awakening.  22 which is also present in 2020 is the number of Angels.  We are awakening to a new consciousness, a diamond consciousness that is being birthed through the death of all of us.  This is a year where we are being called to open our hearts to humanity and hold boundaries against those who are harming us.  Claim your space and speak your truth in responsible and informed ways.  We are also in the power of the Tetrahedron, this is also associated with Archangel Raphael who is the Angel who gifts us clear inner vision, intuitive insight and seeing beyond the veil into other realms beyond physical, literally 20/20 vision.  

Now keep in mind we are in Mercury retrograde is still in effect.  Our communications will be challenged which can show up in relationships of all kinds and in our technology as well.  It is a period of reflection and is advised to not launch any new projects but continue to work on ones already in progress.  This time is a little glitchy.  Throw in some Pisces energy and leap year vibes and it is sure to be an interesting ride.

This week we also had a huge peak on the Schumann resonance chart so sensitivities are a thing.  Stay grounded and stay true people.  The energy is very much real this day.  

xox
​J

We've all been there, faced with a choice that we were afraid to make so we ask others in hopes of sabotaging ourself.  When something is staring at us to change a job, a living situation, a relationship, give up a certain food, dump that person, call that person out etc. we will resist to the point of discomfort to keep life easy and for our nervous system...or so we believe.  I am guilty of it.  These days I am trying to convince myself to go back to the gym because I have been so tired.  I know physical exercise gives me more energy and when I am stagnant, my energy feels the same way. I don't like it.  I know going to the gym at this point is a positive change that will be good for me right now.

THIS IS NOT TO TELL YOU TO GO TO THE GYM! THIS IS NOT TO TELL YOU WHAT I NEED IS WHAT YOU NEED! WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT AND THERE IS NO ONE WAY! YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEED BEST! TRUST THAT!

BUT the anxiety goes through the roof any time I get in my car with all my stuff ready.  And I mean after I have been talking myself up for two hours about how I am ready to go, I am just going to go into the women's section, or there's a yoga class in two hours you can make it, just go, okay you're ready, no excuse, and then I get in my car and it starts.... You haven't gone in so long everyone is going to know you're a lazy fuck.  You don't know how to use any of the machines anymore... You can't do what you use to be able to do... Just go later when no one is there... Go at night it's fine, you'll still go....and then we rationalize to get out of facing a fear that you know has no place.  I use to go to the gym almost every day, now it has been YEARS since then because I had my daily practice at home and I was still running around at work, but now my life has changed drastically and I need to change my habits.  Because I am spending more time planning and sitting at the computer, on the phone or in meetings with people, I KNOW I NEED TO PRIORITIZE MY PHYSICAL BODY IN A NEW WAY.  So I sit, fighting myself on how to get out of facing my fear day after day and I feel badly about it.

This stupid, vicious cycle eats away at my psyche and then loser, failure, lazy, all of those words that anxiety fed my breath with circulate through my lungs and blood.  Now the feelings of being trapped in a body you do not want flood in.  Oh it is such an interesting thing to be able to observe.  To know it is bullshit, to know that as much as you may not like your body sometimes, you are grateful and in love with it, to know that you are watching old stories of pain and hurt being played out again so that you may react differently, my oh my, what a way to watch the self evolve.

And here we are, with ourself all alone again trying to convince ourself to go do that thing we have been putting off.

You know what is hiding underneath the surface that we cannot seem to understand?

It is SHAME.

Shame has a way of lurking and hiding so far down that we don't see it. Why? Because shame is hard to feel.  It is a combination of sadness, rage, upset, envy, expectations failed and embarrassment.  Shame holds us back by sucking power out of our solar plexus and feeding it coal.  It creates a hard space in our sacral chakra that lingers off at the sides and it makes us feel unsafe in our grounding, our root chakra. 

We must be willing to admit when we feel ashamed.  It is in witnessing the shame that we are able to retrieve the edges of our energy.  It is when we are able to see clearly that we are believing the bullshit.  We are surrendering our power to old stories and lies and self made limitations. 

Shame in this story is very different than another story as all stories are different.

Shame is unjustly placed on someone who has gone through tragedy or trauma.  Shame and self ridicule are products of toxic environments.  There is no need to hold onto shame once we realize this and work through the proper levels of healing.  

At times I shut down and sabotage myself because I procrastinate, it is a problem that has been improving.  Full confession though, when I put things off too long that need to get dealt with I get so ashamed I would rather hide from them than face them.  Something as simple and mundane as taxes that shouldn't cause me such turmoil but making an appointment seems like the most tumultuous task.  So I work through it and just do it.  

I don't really know what the point of this entry was, maybe it was to simply share my humaneness with you, maybe it was to share some of my views on shame and over coming them, maybe it was for my own comfort or to work through some things in my mind.

I write for myself as much as I write for you.  I have always been a writer and clarity pours over my hands as they glide across the keyboard or paper.

I love you and one of my wishes is for all humans who have been hurt to be free of shame and for us to be free of the painful thoughts associated with anxiety.

xox
​-J

It has been thousands of years since we stripped away Goddess consciousness from our wold.  Ancient civilizations would look to the Goddess for protection AND for guidance.  High Priestesses were held in the highest regard and were sought after for their knowledge and their ability to see what is to come. HELLO INTUITION!  Ancient Egypt was held by women and it wasn't until their demise through weaponry and savage behaviour that a new era of slavery was born.  A struggle of personal development and empowerment over our own rights to live our life as we want and to claim our wealth. 

So many people and so many women have all of these blocks towards money through enslavement contracts, poverty contracts and sale contracts from lives that have passed.  Some of these blocks are also due to the fact that money has been used as a weapon against them.  These were made in times of desperation and where everything was stripped from those who were not "in power".  When humanity raped and pillaged and treated humans worse than live stock (which was not that long ago).  These are tied to our soul and they do affect us in this day and age.

It is necessary in this day and age as consciousness is rising that we allow the Goddess to reclaim her autonomy.

What does this mean?

This means that womxn around the world are rising and deciding that enough is enough.  Womxn are responsible for creation of all kinds, not just children.

The Goddess as a piece of the Divine Feminine is responsible for all the the dark matter, the energy that surges through the atmosphere and exists as nothing.  She is the principle that through surrendering and travelling through the deepest and darkest of caves to be seen and born in a light of birth.  She makes the earth fertile as the waters carry her eggs throughout the world.  Without the Goddess life cannot exist.

LADIES this is your CALL to wake up!
There are pieces of you that are left unclaimed.  There are pieces of you that got left behind.  There are elements that have been pushed away and neglected in this life time and IT IS TIME TO CLAIM YOUR AUTONOMY.

Dance and get wild.  Have weird chats.  Have self pleasure nights or mornings or days.  Touch your body with love.  Talk to your friends about sex and sensuality.  Have days where you speak about how you don't feel sexy and how you do feel sexy.  Learn to be vulnerable with yourself and others.  Open your heart and your yoni to the magic that is within you. 

YOU ARE SEXY AT EVERY STAGE OF YOUR LIFE!

There are a whole bunch of stigmas floating around that once you have kids or hit a certain age you cannot wear that or this or whatever.  "Well that's not very age appropriate." This is one example of how our inner Goddess is unable to express herself.  Women are creators and artists and one way we express this is through the desire to adorn ourself and love ourself and wear what we want to wear.  That is where it should end.  Society should not be allowed to come into your closet and tell you what to wear based off age or size or colour or gender.  THIS IS YOUR RIGHT!

SEXUALITY IS SACRED! Your desires NEED to be heard and you NEED to feel them.  We have heard it many times, PLEASURE IS YOUR BIRTH RIGHT! Why would we have these pieces of us that reach a state of natural ecstasy if we were meant to suppress them for another.  When we are met with sexual energy we are suppose to be met in an equal measure.  If your partner is able to express themselves and their desires, SO ARE YOU! You are worthy of having your body stroked in ways that you want and deem appropriate and not inappropriate.  YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO TELL SOMEONE TO GET LOST IF THEY DISRESPECT YOU, especially if it is a pattern!.

We all put up with so much shit from people throughout out life time that we need to channel that divine rage, THANK YOU KALI and SPEAK OUR VOICES!

I have always been out spoken and to be honest, a lot of girls and womxn in my life have left because of it.  Not out spoken in a rude way, rather, I speak my truth and people cannot handle it.  If someone does something that crosses me, I let them know in a way where I stand my ground and leave the conversation open for communication.  A lot of the time in my past, people wouldn't be able to handle it because I was right.  They were being selfish or inconsiderate or letting people walk all over them and putting them self down and I would not have it.   Another thing to note here is that when people suppress what they want to say and watch others so openly express it, they get irritated because they do not have that for themselves. 

OUR VOICE IS NEEDED!
So many people (mxn and womxn) have a throat chakra issue which is our ability to communicate and listen properly, this needs to also change but that is for a different day.

LADIES! 
Stand up! Wake up! Do something!

If you are feeling disconnected, get into your body. Dance, move, touch your self, self pleasure because that is mega important, connect with other womxn and get real.  Go to nature and stand in her beauty and destruction.  Have a bath.  Go in the lake, a sauna.  Honour your cycles of bleeding as they show us when it is time to take action and slow down.  Learn to listen to your body, she is a very wise guide. 

The Goddess listens to her body and her intuition first.  She trusts herself and she holds her ground.  She is able to wear what she desires from day to day and understands that she can change into new at any time.  She is the stable ground of life and she is the way to create the life you desire. 

She is within you, she is around you and she is holding your hand.

Ask her for guidance by placing a hand on your womb/pelvis and a hand on your heart and slowly she will come. 

Have patience and welcome your personal Goddess to come forward into your awareness and watch your energies dance and birth a new you.

The time of the Goddess is now. It is not coming, IT IS NOW!

Sincerely & with love,
J

The endless searching.....
Times have come and they have gone and my quest has changed immensely.  Once upon a time my quest was to be happy, then my quest became a search for an answer, why am I so sad, my quest changed again, why am I so angry, why am I so sad, where can I go next, what country haven't I been to, what forest have I not touched, why have the souls of my feet never touched earth in the winter, what do the seasons mean, what is energy, what is reiki, do we have a soul, is this life real, does physical reality even exist, what part of me is lost, did that just happen, where did trees come from, how do spirits receive nourishment, where does energy come from, why am I so sad, is this what being happy feels like, wood is so cool, water is amazing, fire is my favourite, air is confusing, where do the thoughts go when we stop searching?

This list could go on and on and on and on, just as most things in life if they go unchecked.  I am an answer seeker, a no bullshit taker kind of person.  This can be a beautiful gift or it can become something I need to pull back in.  When I start searching, I SEARCH until I believe I know.  I always end up at a crossroads however and that is because how do we ever truly know.  How can we trust what we have learnt or read or seen to be true?

The search of who we are and who we want to be plays a large role in our lives and what I find rather interesting is that we often seek that information from people, places and things outside of ourself.  When we are young we are given tasks, clothing, books, friends and it isn't until we are a little older that we usually start to feel disconnected.  Why is that? I believe it is because through the power of constant suggestion and bombardments from society of WHO humans are has infiltrated out psyche on so many levels that if we want to do something that feels different, we restrict and do not allow that part of us to come out.  It is that part, those many weird and different parts that make up who we are in our unique way.  The search for who we are starts when we are young and gets lost somewhere in school and in jobs.  Wear this, don't wear that, play this sport not that sport, girls can do this, guys can do that, it starts changing what we want or believe we want without even giving us a fighting chance.  

The everlasting, never ending beauty of the searching comes from the ability to create and become everything you'd like to be and nothing you don't.  It becomes a black hole of creation and surrendering to the greatest you that exists - the you without the details or the frills or the balls or the boobs.  It becomes a powerful meditation to sit and create a life worth searching for.  It takes a powerful human to stand up against the life they have built and start again.  

I humble to you and ask you, as I ask myself, where can I keep searching, where can I keep digging, where can I lose the mask and lose the guards, where can I soften and surrender to the life of my dreams?

Don't stop searching and creating for yourself, that is a key part of being in this human body. 

With love always, 
​J