In a world where hardened hearts are common how do you become a warm hearted and trusting person after years of harm in many disguised forms?
We live in a time where hurt gets hurt and love and trust are simply words that fall from a dissected language. Humans are walking around full of anger, resentment, hostility and entitlement and wonder why life is not going their way. We need to do better, all of us. If you believe that you are doing enough, do more.
Relationships of all kinds tear us apart and our parents are no exception. As a child kids can be cruel and parents can be unforgiving. Teachers can destroy self-esteem. There is an endless list of different types of trauma that each individual encounters in their life time and there are ways in which we can allow ourself peace from these places.
As someone who never felt safe, loveable, accepted, good enough, worthy and all the other words that depict feelings of misery and inadequacy I have had to relearn how to live.
I have had to learn how to radically accept myself.
I have had to learn how to radically accept others for who they are.
I have had to put down the martyrdom.
I have had to let go of people for showing me the truth of who they are.
I have had to take ownership of my own victimhood.
I have had to forgive those who have harmed and abused me.
I have had to treat my body better.
I have had to create better boundaries.
I have had to create my own business to feel more freedom in life.
I have had to talk to my parents about the truth.
I have had to read a lot of books.
I have had to use Reiki every day.
I have had to meditate every day.
I have had to open my heart again and again.
I have had to be unapologetic in my authenticity.
I have had to use my voice against others.
I have had voices used against me.
I have had to journal and write letters to so many people for emotional release. (I do not send these letters, I burn them or send them in the mail with no addresses so they get lost in the ethers).
I have had to get creative and consistent in my healing.
I have had to be celibate.
I have had to remain single.
I have had to...
and the list goes on, the work is here and it is constant but I am not exhausted for I am filling my life with things I enjoy and no longer enslaved to the ideas of society or of family interest. I am free to live my life as me and for me and with the knowledge that THAT IS TOTALLY ACCEPTABLE.
What have you had to do to break down the walls your life has built up around you?
Where can you make more room to let love in?
In a world where we have been told and told again and again that we don't know better, I encourage you to fucking know better. To remember that as an individual you have so much power and knowledge and that with each moment you have an opportunity to love again and again, even if that love is for yourself.
You are enough, you have always been enough and you always will be enough.
I love you
I see you
I cherish you
The world needs your love.
We exist in a world where the Feminine has been disgarded and tossed aside - the Feminine within each of us regardless of gender or sex. In countries all over the world the ideas of sensuality, naked bodies and the truth of her meaning has been washed away from everyone's consciousness and is causing harm to not only humans but to Mother Earth. The power of the Divine Feminine comes not from her physical appearance but from her messages in relation to balance and harmony.
The Divine Feminine is the dance in the twilight through the darkness of the unknown. It is from the Feminine heart that we are gifted forgiveness and that those who have entered wars and slaughters are met with compassion and healing. It is within each of us hiding in the darkest corners of our bodies and our minds and she is ready for her rebirth. As we live on this Earth we can feel her pulse through the quakes and the erruptions, we can feel her fury roar into tsunamis. It is within her that we witness an entirely different strength. The strength to see the beauty in destruction, in surrending, in opening to receive and to hold the dark container for the masculine to rise with it.
The Divine Feminine was something that naturally found its way to me once I began healing some of my deepest wounds including but definitely not limited to, the trauma in my pelvis from medical procedures and from abusive partnerships (emotional, physical and sexual in varying degrees). It is tied to healing the rejection of my father and the belief that my value as a partner was tied to my abilities in the bedroom. Finding the Divine Feminine has guided me through true healing of varying experiences and has opened me up to the most sacred relationship, the relationship to myself. I no longer feel shame surrounding my needs and am able to hold space for so many other people to witness their own self rejections. It is through this work with the Divine Feminine that you will reclaim your powerful sovereignty over your life and your body.
These guides take 15-30 minutes each and are intended to be implemented one at a time, the time was important as I do not want you to make an excuse as to why you cannot take action. If you do not have 15-30 minutes a day of time for yourself you need to re-prioritize. My hope is that these written words inspire you to take these 7 steps in 7 days to activate, nourish and witness the beauty in your Feminine so without further ado, here they are.
1. Introductions: This practice allows your to witness yourself behind the mask, it will help unveil your inner self and introduce you to your inner Feminine.
2. Naked mirror practice and heart massage. Breasts on men and women are connected to the heart and it is important to take care of this part of the body. This exercise is to activate your heart and let you feel love and expansion while balancing hormones and detoxing the body.
3. Refamiliarizing yourself with your body and increasing circulation. Who doesn't enjoy having their body rubbed with oils? Receiving a massage is something I love and one day realized I never give myself them so this is an invitation to you to start a self-massage practice. Every day after I shower I lather myself in oils and feel the beauty of my body, even the squishier parts I use to hide and hate. Now I love when I grab my thighs and belly, it feels so good to release the tension they hold.
I hope you found this helpful on your journey to discovering your juicy self and that you will join the 7 day challenge beginning Monday, September 14 where you will receive daily email updates to support you on your journey. Join other women and seduce the inner Feminine.
Sitting down to write out these entries has been extremely therapeutic; I have always felt at home when writing. As I sit today and wonder what will come I have been stricken with the relationships in my life and how they have reflected this chosen theme of pain.
Growing up and witnessing a back and forth relationship between my parents seems to have engrained itself within me. Each romantic partnership I have had before this one was carefully sewn together in pain and chaos. They were reflections of how I felt about myself and my stability. Attaching to relationships to create stability out of the unstable reinforced my need for the dramatics. I know now that for a long time I associated fighting with love, lust and passion. If the relationship was not up and down and sideways in every which way I would find a reason to break the stability. I remember the verbal and physical abuse I put up with through trauma bonding and how I longed for acceptance of my partner in every way. I looked for validation that my physical body was enough as sex and cheating had been dominating my subconscious mind. I needed them to apologize, they rarely did. I would be the one pleading and apologizing, a further sacrifice of my self respect than I cared to admit until my mid 20s. I see this so much in women I work with of all ages, to smooth the air and roll over on their own values and inner knowing to regain the peace in the relationship. I know now that when we roll over in such a way it is reflection of a deep rejection of the self. I know now when someone has over stepped that it is not my responsibility to take their pain or discomfort away surrounding what they have done. It is my job to respect myself and know that I am a deserving human. I have used my voice and power to get women out of bad situations and I will continue to do so. We all need some help sometimes no matter who you are or where you come from.
When I sit with women in circle sharing experiences and talking about what has happened in our lives and how we can be empowered in our story I am able to witness their determination and their ability to transcend the pain, the darkness. I see their strength and desire to be honestly loved. When I would sit with myself I would get lost in the memories of being cheated on, of the memories of men groping me or abusing me in their preferred way. I would continuously get lost in the knowing that I was disposable to people. I was sucked into the “why me” victim mentality as if I had no control…I could have left…I don’t have children with any of them…I never lived with them…
As I sit here and have been writing I am again taken to the fact that within those pains there were good people, I chose not to see them. There were a few guys I started dating casually at separate times in my life that were kind, caring and grounded. I saw them as boring. If I had to change plans or cancel last minute for whatever reason, they were understanding, they were not jealous, they were happy I let them know. This was so foreign to me that I did not know what to do with it. I had become so use to the chaos and the uncertainty and the jealousy that when someone did not demonstrate these qualities I found the relationship mundane. Needless to say, none of those kind hearted individuals made the cut. I repeated the abusive relationships until I was 24/25.
After finally having enough I left my x after a few holes punched in a wall, a lamp thrown, him locking himself in my bathroom and threatening to kill himself…all while I had company over. After this relationship, I asked myself what in the world was I doing, I don’t deserve this, no one does. So I stopped dating, I retired. I went celibate for a year and I no longer trusted in my ability to choose a partner. My history spoke for itself. What I did not realize was that I was choosing these ones over those who showed me tenderness and care, I was choosing the chaos because that was normal, comfortable and my root chakra was so underdeveloped.
I had a friend ask me many times to meet the gentleman I am with now, I refused for 6 months. When we finally met it was magic - we both knew this was something different. We have been together for three years in November, not a super long time, but long enough to have had to grow through our own shadows together. To be with someone who is able to communicate when angry, where we are both able to give the other one space and come back to a conversation when needed, to be able to simply be and have deep practices with one another is a gift I will forever cherish.
He catches me at times trying to find something to fight about, something to nit pick and create drama. He sees the pattern and calls me out. This was really hard at first but over the past year I have been able to witness it when it comes up and am able to see what I am truly upset about. When we exist in the pain for too long the ability to live in sustained joy feels too foreign and we keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. When will it end? When will the chaos begin? This is a retraining of my mind to accept the peace, joy and love that is available and to stop chasing the chaos.
Living in a way that puts you in a place of pain and shame hides itself from you. It does not want to be seen for once it is seen you have the responsibility to either continue on this cycle or to begin working to dismantle the systems of pain, shame and complacency that exist within. Eventually we all have to make a decision and we have to commit to it.
The evolution that has begun taking place inside of me in just over one week’s time has been quite profound. My physical body feels lighter, I have lost weight and my food cravings have almost completely stopped. Energetically we hold pain and joy differently. Pain is stagnant, dense and difficult to move whereas joy is lighter, vibrates more quickly and generates a frequency of expansion. The body holds onto everything unless we are consciously moving it and letting things go. As I have been stepping into each day with a fresh set of eyes and asking what I need today to be able to continue to dismantle this addiction to pain, I receive different answers. I am learning to trust myself and happiness for what feels like the first time and I am letting people go who are sitting in a place of aggression.
When you rise out of the ashes you will leave people behind. When your frequency shifts from pain to love you will lose people as you will no longer resonate with some of them any longer. You will awaken to those around you and witness their addictions to pain and sorrow as well. You will begin to see how much of the life surrounding you has been fabricated to support your pain story. When you finally choose to live, those who choose to dwell will fall from you like water out of a tap. You will become liberated and it will come with what your ego will convince you is sacrifice.
Change does not happen over night nor should it. Change comes about when you decide where you want to go and recognize the requirements to get there. If you simply acknowledge the problem does it go away? Not usually. There are usually action steps required to see through this solution. Yes acknowledge that it is there and then ask yourself, what am I going to do about it?.
So many people are walking around with this same addiction unknowingly committing themselves to a life of misery and solitude. I speak so bluntly because until last week I was one of those people, even with all that I have in front of me, I was miserable and alone. This is again the beginning of my journey of healing my addiction to pain and I will continue to share the layers as they unravel from my being.
This is my recovery.
Make sure you read part 1 to get the full evolution of this journey and watch for part 3 in the days to come relating to my journey as an entrepreneur.
The time has come for a huge piece of my identity to fall away and wash off by body on a cellular level once and for all. I believe it is the entire makeup of my identity if I am being brutally honest which I am going to try and be for the majority of this segment.
The darkness, what is it? The light, what is it? Are they not two in the same? One cannot exist without the other right?
Yes, all of these are true and the darkness is the ability to see the light and I am learning not to consciously seek the darkness day in and day out. I am learning once again to seek the light. And honestly, I am not sure what that will look like to me at this point in time but I am open to the changes.
As many of you know my journey with spirituality began when I was 18 and started meditating to help my insomnia and self harm, what I did not know was the journey I would begin two years later.
Growing up, my family had its challenges, alcohol addictions and drug abuse, the first time I saw a line of cocaine in real life, I was 12. The first time I saw someone absolutely wasted I believe I was 8. Fighting in the house wasn’t really “normal” until my parents decided it was time for the official divorce - they kept trying to make it work but it never did…Once the fighting started, I was usually home without my other siblings, or that is what I remember, and I would leave, I would run. I would run so fast out of the house and go to the creek just beside us and hide for hours until I would return home once I knew it was safe, it was usually dark by then. For two years my parents lived under the same roof while separated and renovating the house getting ready to sell it; within those two years neither of them were home a lot. My Mom working a lot of overtime in retail and my Dad spending a lot of time with his new girlfriend and away from the chaos, guilt and shame. My Dad lived in the basement bedroom that had its own attached bathroom and I don’t really remember having family dinners anymore once that happened. This was the beginning, or that is what I thought until a few years ago…
You see, my parents tried and tried to stay together for their 4 kids many times. My father and mother each have their own life paths and this was apart of it. They tried, I am honouring that in this process that they really did try to make it work for them and us and that they obviously didn’t expect their lives to turn out this way…. So, when I was 3 or 5, I think closer to 3, I remember my Dad leaving one stormy night with the intention of not returning. I held onto his leg and begged him to stay, bawling and crying, my Mom had to pry my little fingers off of his pants. I was a Daddy’s girl, he was my Papa Bear and I his little princess. I would do anything to feel that love again, and this is the journey I am beginning. This is the process I have begun, to remember the love of a father, to remember the love of a daughter, to remember the innocence.
There are so many memories that I have chosen to hold onto that reflect the pain and discomfort and no matter how much work I have done or how many stories I have told I am still heavy with pain in my mind and my body. I am riddled with fear of never amounting to anything because I have become comfortable in every way. I have been working with a Reiki Master and her insights have been extremely helpful and when she mentioned that I am in the dark, my pores, my insides, they’re black but all around me is light. The light is trying so hard to come in but you are just comfortable being the victim… To be the victim of life is not something I never really felt as I was able to support myself, I even made dinner for the family for a long time when I was 12 - 14 years old. But here I am, choosing to remember the painful parts of my past, the abuse at home, the abuse at school, the sexual shaming, the abusive relationships, the sexual trauma, the illusions of security with certain people and places, I have chosen to block out the good memories that exist.
Misery loves company is one of the truest statements I have ever been able to witness. Your story reflects your ability to spread love or misery…Right now, reflecting at my partner, I am spreading misery not love or freedom, I am spreading a darkness falsely claiming to be light.
How did this obsession with the darkness continue for so long and even continue once I stepped into being a full time healer? Well, I have been reflecting on that and my partner always says, “don’t be so proud of the pain you have endured”. I was wearing it like a metal, look what I have been through, look how I survived… For you see, our pain does hold a certain power to it and when we come out of it part of us can attach to it. If you have gone through pain after pain after pain and chosen not to see the light in the middle, you become addicted to the pain. You forget what joy feels like, what play or innocence feels like. You get lost in the pain and look for ways to stay there because that is what you have grown in, that is where you planted your seed.
So YES, I am a survivor, a warrior, a lover and a fighter but I am so much more than those things and this is the journey I am on now. To find who I am without the need to fight every day, to find who I am without the desire to feel like shit and feel shame. To find freedom in the human form and liberate myself from my own story once again. This is another unbecoming and it is right time with this Solar eclipse, new moon, summer solstice in Cancer. Right now leaders are being born, skin is being shed, a new earth is being developed and it has the ability to drastically shift your life if you are willing to see your own bullshit.
The Reiki Master I have been working with asked me to remember the good memories of my childhood. It has taken me a few weeks to remember them but now they are all coming back and I am remembering TRUE gratitude. Growing up we were safe, fed, went to school and each of my siblings and myself played a sport at an extremely competitive level. This alone is more than some children will ever have. We were loved by my parents, we had soup and bagel night on Wednesdays when everyone had a sport to play, we had Sunday brunch with crepes my Dad would make. We had a pool and a backyard that the entire neighbourhood was welcome to use and we lived beside a family with 5 kids who were all the same age as us. My grandparents lived down the street, also had a pool, and our Christmas dinners were on average 25 people and anyone was welcome to join who had no where to go. My Dad’s parents live up North in Muskoka on Skeleton lake so I grew up (until the age 12/13) spending time there in the winter on snow mobiles and having bonfires on the frozen lake. In the summer we would go tubing, fishing, swimming, have fires and roast mallows. We would brings friends up and my Grampie would show us his beautiful photography on a slide projector. My favourite was the photos he took while they were in Africa for the great migration, that was where my love for photography was birthed, just like everything else that lights my soul up, I have stopped that too. I am writing this out so that I can remember even deeper the beauty that was my life, that was mixed with the batter of years to come. I remember watching the Patriot with my family and I was sitting on the couch with my Dad, I would have been 10 or 11 and he started to cry when the church was burnt down. I remember his sensitive heart and I am seeing how hardened it has become from years and years of neglect from his children and his own separation from his family.
I see the pain in my sister and the escape of my brother, I feel the pain in the family and it is time to stop carrying it for them. We all have a life now that is very blessed and full of love, what is left within me is a choice to carry. A choice to sit with the pains of the past or a choice to believe in the love that was there. I had a partner for all of high school and it was my safe haven, yes I relied on him way too much and believed he would be my one and only so when he cheated on me I was devastated, my friends knew. This was another betrayal I have held onto under the illusion that I had let it go. In reality, we were kids, we were 20 and we were learning, we didn’t know. He supported me and was always there for me when I needed someone to hold me and support me and lean on and his family took me in as their own. I lived with a girlfriend in elementary school when my parents told us they were separating, and I lived with my Aunt. I have had so many families that it is bringing me to tears as I know some will never have one. I am remembering a time of love, a time of hope and belief in the human race and I am choosing not to stand by in the dark and hold onto the pains of the past but to remember the memories that showed my heart it was loved and the opportunities I have had that others will never know.
The hardest pill to swallow is that I have created a reality that allows me to stay small, stay still, stay safe and play the victim. I have chosen to be bitter and to judge and to not see the light in humanity. You may see me differently if you have worked with me in circle or with reiki or in whatever other capacity, even as an employer, but inside, I have always been dark. I have always remained in the shadows. Even now, I do not know who I am without the darkness and it is not something I am proud of.
I guess the point of writing this was mostly for myself, maybe you got to this point, maybe you found some resonance or simply heard my voice, but I want to remind you that pain is an addiction and it is one of the hardest ones to heal.
This is my recovery.
Energy is real, we know it exists and that everything emits a frequency...Why is it so many people have resistance to believing that you can heal your energy body to heal your mind and physical body...I have watched so many people go down the rabbit hole with doctors and family and friends with no available solutions other than to medicate. Doctors are trained (I should add that not all, yet a large majority) to treat symptoms and not necessarily take a holistic approach. Cause and effect is real when it comes to mental health and I am tired of seeing so many people zombified at the hands of the medical system.
I was diagnosed with depression when I was 12 (in reality the first time I experienced this disconnection I was 3 years old). I was then asked to go on medication when I was 14, I fought my Mom and provided her with reasons and proof as to why I did not want to go on it. I was lucky in the fact that she did not try to make me go on medication. My sister on the other hand has been on medication since she was 14, she is now 31. By that time I had witnessed two suicides, both while on medication that is no longer prescribed due to its intensity and sporatic behaviours and I witnessed another attempted suicide again, while on medication... The systems at play behind the kind hearted doctor are not honest, they are not in integrity. Big pharma is one of the biggest money makers in the world and it is made off the pains of every day humans.
Now I understand that western and modern medicine is helpful and very productive, it also has a huge shadow side where humans are stripped of their power because a medical professional knows better. I believe we are being shown right now that a lot of medical professionals are not leaders, they are followers of the rules and why would the rules change when those at the top make more money off the sick than the healthy?
Energy healing, whatever type of modality you are interested in, has proven to be effective in more than one case and over the course of many, many years (what's up ancient India and the Vedas for example or Traditional Chinese Medicine). When we are facing the mental health crisis, for lack of a better term, that we are currently in is it not fair to question the way that it has been handled? It is not fair to question the way of life that we are being forced to lead? It is not fair to question and to learn and become our own advocate? It is not fair to be provided with the facts that those who claim to have the answers know very little about how the mind actually functions? They know so little yet are prescribing medication as a way to fix it that has extremely harmful effects on the body over time. How can your liver sustain a long and healthy life when it is constantly purifying the prescriptions, birth control, drugs and alcohol that are being consumed on a regular basis. Please do not get me started on the quality of food being pumped out to the masses...
I have been witness to those in positions of counselling take advantage of underage and vulnerable women, just as in any other job there is room for predators to slither their way through the cracks.
I have seen and been beside so many people in my life who are on medication and have been on and off medication for years and I have been able to maintain my life medication free and have found more healing and peace than almost all of them. I have spent a lot of time and money on myself and investigating my pains, my depression and my complete disconnection from myself and trained myself to heal. Meditation, Reiki, plant medicines have all been a HUGE part of my journey. Meditation is my medication and we are actually seeing more psychotherapists and therapists use mindfulness in healthy ways. In fact we are seeing a very small percentage use mindfulness practices to help wean patients off of medication.
I am not a doctor, I am not a psychologist, I am a Reiki Master Teacher, I am not advising you to stop anything you are currently doing at the advise of your MD. I am simply sharing my experience.
I have 10 years experience working with energy in this capacity and working with humans in a 1:1 and group container that has helped women and men heal some of their deepest pains.
Obviously like everything else this takes time and commitment from everyone involved and it is not easy. Of course it is easier to believe that there is a magic pill that will take all of your pains away but guess what, there is not. Even on medication people go to counselling, group therapy, alanon, AA etc. There is no magic pill.
What works for me may not be the remedy for you just as what works for you may not work for your neighbour.
Your energy holds your memories, your pains and your joys alike. When these energies are constantly being pushed through your system eventually they end up in a traffic jam like situation where you are unable to even think about something without it becoming extremely overwhelming. I get it, I was there, I still get there sometimes because growth is not linear.
Healing is not linear and it is continuous.
If you are not growing you are stagnant and stagnancy breeds more stagnant energy.
Your energy body is just as important as your physical health, you can be the most physically fit person and be in so much pain inside that nothing matters...I have witnessed that too...
Your energy body runs through you every day and it surrounds you with your aura, your energetic field that you emit just as I do.
This energy comes into contact with everything and everyone and it is no wonder so many of us are walking around with so much shit stuck to us we cannot even move. We are stuck in piles of shit thrown onto us from our family, friends, society, decades and years of trauma and so much self hatred and self disgust it is impossible to see through the mud. Not to mention everyone elses bullshit that you pick up from day to day. Humans are naturally empathetic, it is part of our heart programming.
You are energy.
Energy healing dives into that and if you find an honest practitioner they will teach you how to care for, heal and protect your own energy systems.
Energy healing is real and I am sick of hearing people question everything someone says when it has to do with something that has been almost outlawed by big pharma.
Guess what, they don't want a healthy population because a healthy population is an empowered population and an empowered population will not roll over when the government screams quarantine.
I know this may see extreme in the tone I am taking and what I am saying, but I have lived it many times over. I witness it daily.
You are energy.
You are sacred.
You have the right to proper fucking education.
You have the right to be free and it starts with breaking the chains of oppression that have been instilled into the world from wyt, upperclass men, the elites, which we are also seeing women in these spaces now too.
Think for yourself, question authority.
Think for yourself, question authority.
Think for yourself, question authority.
We sit in our homes if we are so blessed and privileged to have them. We sit in our homes surrounded by those we love or with phones to connect us, if we are so privileged. We go to the stores and get our food, if we are so privileged. We exist in a time where we are being guided to rest and re-evaluate, if we are so privileged. We exist as we are in this time with many of those in front of us suffering behind the lines. We sit in a world where so many of us are being shown the systems of dependency and are left with whatever feelings that brings to the surface. We live in a time where we are witnessing humanity in a way that we have not seen in a long time. We see politicians blaming the other and going forward against certain countries, we witness the public acting in ways of self preservation without consideration for their neighbours, community or country. We are seeing people go against the recommended procedures and putting others at risk just as we are witnessing those less privileged or capable of taking care of themselves being penalized by this virus we seem to be holding onto. We are witnessing so much pain, I could go on and on into all of the pain and truth we are witnessing in this unique time for so many of us, yet I am going to stop. On the other side of all of this fear and blame we are also witnessing the power of love, the strength in unity and the power of connection.
As each of us sit in our spaces covered in our own masks we are given an opportunity to reach down inside of ourselves and feel the power of our hearts. Helplessness and powerlessness breed emotions that hold us small and in control while helpfulness and empowered enable us to grow and to break the cycles.
I would like to return us to our hearts in this crazy and chaotic time. Love yourself and love your neighbour and love that stranger. Our hearts hold secrets that we have long forgotten. We have forgotten that you catch more bees with honey and that we have the power to breathe air into those around us through the contagion of love. I have witnessed the joy and the love being shared among strangers as we keep our distance at the stores or on the streets, I have witnessed the hearts of those working in hardware stores to go above and beyond to help when they were told no. I have witnessed citizens making masks for their sick neighbours and family members. I have witnessed the power of the heart. I have witnessed strangers buying groceries for an elderly person so they did not have to go into the stores. I have witnessed the love within human nature.
When we are in a state of love our stress hormones drop and we release oxytocin which helps our bodies in so many ways. When we are stuck in a place of anger, resentment and personal protection (the downside of the solar plexus energy) we shrink our hearts and as a result our auric shield becomes smaller and weaker allowing us more susceptible to energetic and physical ailments. I can feel some of you rolling your eyes, to be honest, I don't really care. I still love you and I hope that you open your heart and feel the weight lift off of your shoulders. Our chests sit heavy and our shoulders carry the weight and restrictions of those around us - take notice of how they feel. And now place your hands over your chest and breathe into your hands with the connection to love. "I am love." "I send love to myself and to others." Breathe for a few minutes and expand the chest, open the heart. Do some gentle twists of the spine opening the chest up to the sky. Become love.
When we come from a place of love it does not mean that we do not feel fear, it means that we recognize the fear in others, we recognize the pain in others and we are able to offer acceptance and understanding versus ignorance.
I mentioned something on my instagram about how to take action when we feel powerless. It is a reminder that if we sit with the privilege to help then find what you can do and do something. Something small often helps others and helps fill this heart chakra. You are not doing work to get acknowledgment, you are doing work to simply be of service to others and to love them.
Let love guide you home and let love touch your breath with every inhale. May you be found in love so that you may find others in love as well.
I recommend a Reiki session once every three weeks as upkeep, just as a massage is recommended to encourage healing of twists and knots and tightness, Reiki works in a similar fashion. Your energy is your responsibility just as your physical health is. There are tools that you can learn from practitioners that can aid you on your own work and your independent energy practices. Learning tools to help clear your energy is something I am very passionate about. The more attention you give to your energetic body the more energy you have for yourself. When we do not pay attention to our energy and energetic fields we can get lost, unmotivated, confused, angry, irritated, saddened, ungrounded and many other things.
Why does this happen?
Any of these things can happen due to the fact that you are not only carrying your energy, you are carrying your friend's, co-worker's, family members', the cashier's, the bar tender's, the sad child's, your pet's etc. As you walk around from day to day and experience life through your lens and lend a hand or a heartfelt hug, or you are holding in that anger or sadness out of the false belief that you are protecting others, this stays in your energy. It is why I am able to tune into what happened to you in your life that has left you depleted in whichever way that is. Every day wear and tare happens to our clothes, our cars, our properties, why do we not believe that it can happen to our energy as well?
One of the things I recommend to everyone I work with is designing a way to clear their energy daily - at first this may seem like a lot or maybe you don't feel you have the time (even though it only takes a few minutes). Clearing yourself monthly can be extremely beneficial - let it all go.
We carry the stories of our days with us into the next, this energetic residue sits in your aura and around your physical body. By the time the energetic residue sticks to your physical body you then have the karmic responsibility to it, this is a deeper lesson. If you are able to release these things before they reach the physical layer you are able to move through them with ease. Let go of the anger, grief, sadness, self-loathing, regret, shame, embarrassment, while it is still fresh.
Clearing your energy also allows you to learn how you are actually feeling through embodiment consciousness. We do not tune into our physical body nearly enough and setting time to tune in and witness yourself as you are helps relieve stress, overwhelm, anxiety and confusion. Every human is able to feel the energies of others and when you clear yourself and tune into your body you get more clear on what you are feeling vs. experiencing. This allows you to clear out the influence or voices of others and remain true to what you desire/know you can accomplish. It is this action that helps keep you motivated and clear headed.
Something I offer is energetic education, which simply means I help educate humans on the workings of their own energy and how to use basic to advanced techniques for a more grounded, free and love filled life.
Monthly clearings under the Full Moon were one of my first experiences with ritual clearings and are something I love doing for myself. I have recently developed a Group Clearing & Healing online that will take place under the Full Moon each month. In these sessions we go into the current energies at play and how to use them in accordance to how you are feeling. I tune into each individual and they receive Reiki and healing throughout the duration of the evening as well as big clearings for all types of energies at play. These are an affordable service as I know not everyone has the opportunity to pay for my 1:1 sessions or packages and these are extremely powerful. They have been found to help clear anxiety by the end of the group session and ease feelings of sadness. They leave you feeling loved, empowered and centred in who you are. I encourage every person to clear their energy and if you do not know how I always give tips and tricks on how to clear yourself in your every day life.
May you be with yourself and may you be clear,
if you are interested in this month's clearing simply go to events/services on the menu tab to check them out and register. xox
This Full Moon is causing some beautiful shifts and causing some inner earthquakes in her making. The Moon is related to Divine Feminine wisdom and intuition. The Moon has a direct influence on Earth as witnessed in the tides of the oceans and human emotions.
The Full Moon in Virgo is at the end of the lion's tail constellation sending us full force into the truth behind what is getting in our way. With so many planetary influences this month I definitely recommond getting intentional with this Full Moon.
Let's get into it a little bit. Saturn is a planet that deals with karma and changes astrological signs every 2.5 years. Any time there is a change in sign is an opportunity to close the door on that which has been present throughout the duration of that planet's placement. Saturn is associated with the masculine in relation to a father figure. He outlines rules, regulations, time lines and boundaries. Saturn is at home in the Capricorn which is where we are currently feeling his energy. March 21 sends Capricorn into Aquarius. The past 2.5 years have led us into perfectionism, leadership, planning, fears and realisitic expectations. These all have shadow sides to them and it is always important to witness how you personally have been affected if at all by this energy. What is important in noticing with this closure is the ending of a karmic cycle as well. What have you been putting off or fighting with these past 2.5 years. For me, it was finally letting go of a part time job at the beginning of January. We ended a decade when going by Gregorian calendar, we are in a leap year, and Mercury stations direct on March 10 as well. We have so many influences floating around right now it is important to stay grounded and remember that actions take time, growth takes time and progress is progress no matter how big or how small. When in Mercury retrograde it is adivsed to abstain from beginning new projects but utilizing what we have in front of us due to mass communication errors.
I am not an expert, I am using my intuition and the knowledge I do have over what I do know in these areas.
We also have Chiron coming into play as he is coming to a full 6 month cycle at the end of the month as well. Chiron is known as the "wounded healer" by many. It is what teaches us the alchemy of pain; it is through our pain that we are able to guide others through theirs; it is through our pain that we are able to conjure the strength to do it again. Chiron is a big influence on my chart. Chiron is an asteroid with a rather unique and erradic orbit, goes with its messages. Simply pay attention to what your lessons have been these past 6 months and where you can still grow into these lessons.
OKAY! This Full Moon in Virgo and what does it mean?
This is our final Full Moon of the winter here in the Northern Hemisphere and it is a time to see what we have been through in the darkest months. The winter is the direction of North, the element of Earth and associated with Yin energy, the feminine. It is a time where we withdraw from social activities as often and we spend more time in doors, in solitude and eating nourishing, warm meals. The winter is a time of self-reflection as we close out a year and welcome a new one. It is time to take stock and to let yourself witness your darkness from a place of compassion and understanding. So often we feel lost in the dark, the winter is your time to become comfortable seeing in the dark with more hours spent in the shadows of night than in the light of the day. This Full Moon is in Virgo while the Sun is in Pisces. Pisces is a mysterious and wise sign, like the essence of Frankincense. Pisces draws us to be dreamy and intuitive while following the guidance of our highest self and trusting our intuition. There is also an element of emotional alchemy present within this sign as water is the ruling element over our emotions and our sacral chakra. Virgo is quite different. Virgo is a sign of productivity, perfectionism and care. This is a sign of action. There are always shadows as I mention. With this Full Moon having so much energy in clearing due to the other influences I have mentioned and some I have not, this is important to looking at.
This Full Moon in Virgo can be used to witness where you have been holding yourself back out of fear that it is not perfect or others will judge it because it is not so. It is asking to seek balance from over performing, over giving and being too busy in general. It is the final Full Moon, the Worm Moon, where the earth is softening and things are beginning to thaw. This is the opportunity to let your winter woes melt with the snow and to witness the lessons found in the darkness of winter.
When I think of this Full Moon I begin to get questions such as: What are habits that are not allowing me to water my seeds for the Spring? What have others shown me over the winter months? Who can I let go of? What relationships can I nurture? How have I been treating myself? How have I been treating those closest to me?
I am also fighting off a cold, which I know so many others are as well. There is a physical sickness associated with this time of the year as we are clearing out before calling in. People, energetic parasites, energetic chords, energetic debris are all things that are being cleared. How many of you have had old lovers, old friends or acquiantances find their way into your life some how whether that is directly or indirectly?
Think about it.
Let yourself have the time, drink lots of herbal tea, Chamomile is a powerful ally with this Full Moon, have salt baths or foot soaks, go for walks, write yourself a letter of growth and appreciation, do something nice for yourself.
I am going to leave it at that.
I am holding a Full Moon Online Clearing and Healing circle the evening of the Full Moon on Monday, March 9 from 8-9:30pm. Please check out the event on my website and register through my online store. I promise, it will be magic.
As if this year wasn't feeling jam packed enough already, we are dealing with a serious portal with the beautiful numerical vibrations of 02, 08, 11 and 04. 02 Being the month of February, 08 being the total of month+day+year, 11 being the 2+9 representing today's date, and 4 being our Universal Year 2+0+2+0=4. Throw in the energy of the time warp as we are only in this energy once every 4 years.
The creation of the leap year came in the reign of Julius Caesar but was then recalibrated after 16 centuries and a total loss of 12 days by the Gregorian calendar in 1582, this places us 13 days ahead of the Julian calendar (Julius Caesar). Why the change in calendars? Well you see, the Sun rotates around the Earth every 365.2425 days leaving us with an extra 5 hours and 48 minutes left over in each year and because humans are humans and we need the illusion of control, time and organization in this way, Pope Gregory XIII found this route of molding time to fit within our world.
On this day we experience a void, a space that we otherwise would not get to witness and having an extra day each year to be human. Now, the beauty with this day is the Spiritual energy of the numbers and the gift from Universe to take time and remember the importance of consciousness and connection.
11 is a Master number known for high spiritual enlightenment and awakening. It is encouraging for growth, inspiration, creativity, enthusiasm and optimism. 11 is a number that is also associated with granting wishes through Spiritual growth and acknowledgment that all matter is produced by light.
02 is the number associated with harmony, balance, intuition, sensitivity and inner strength. 02 encourages us to welcome peace and balance into our lives while supporting our own goals and those around us. What may be coming up at this time as we are in Mercury retrograde is the clarity of sight in regards to those around you. So often we stick by people out of the goodness of our hearts when in reality it can be those same people who are standing in our way of truly claiming our voices and standing our ground for what we desire most. Where can you offer yourself balance and harmony? What insights have you been resisting so far in this year? Where is your strength and dedication on a scale of 1-5? 02 is also associated with the Divine Feminine; this allows us to enter a deep space of compassion, love, understanding and going with the flow. Take the past of least resistance unless the resistance is coming from within. If that is the case as yourself why you are resisting the changes or guidance being presented?
08 is the number we all know to be abundance. Now it does not mean abundance will simply be granted on this day but it welcome the energy of determination, organization, planning and responsibility. It is through these acts of dedication (thank you energy of #02) to harmony and balance and the spiritual guidance (thank you energy of #11) that we are able to achieve this abundance available in the #08. 08 is also a very fluid number, write it down and see how the circles flow into the next. When turned sideways it is the symbol of infinity and it is also one step before the completion found in #09. 08 is an appreciation of the growth you have made, the gratitude for where you are and what you have, gratitude for the world around you and witnessing the abundance in the natural world. If you are finding resistance within this number as yourself what you can be grateful for you? What abundance is already available to me in this very moment? Take a breath and feel the abundance of air in this world? Move your body and get creative as this number also encourages new ideas surrounding money.
04, this is the overall forecast of the year in numerology. There are 9 years 1-9. How you find the year is by simply adding all the numbers up of that year and if needed reducing them to a single digit. Example, 2019/ 2+0+1+9 = 12 =1+2=3 meaning 2019 was a year 3. 2020/ 2+0+2+0 = 4. The number 4 appears so often in our society as basic levels of understanding: 4 elements, 4 directions, 4 winds, 4 states of matter, 4 blood types, 4 noble truths of Buddhism, 4 gospels and so on. This number holds a vibration of leadership, self responsibility and no bullshit. This is the ending of the spiritual bullshit of manifestation, believe and it will appear, think it and it will come. This is where we do the work. Last year we were cracked open, we got to witness the pieces of our self and our lives that were no longer working, that had been holding us back and we saw through illusions of those around us. This year is taking it that much further with Karmic releases at a new decade and the ending of 3 planetary cycles, Saturn, Pluto and Neptune. This is a year for us to take responsibility over the creation of our lives and clear our third eye and pineal gland communications to one another. You will no longer be drawn to the easy "bait" that so many leaders have been relying on for centuries because we are awakening. 22 which is also present in 2020 is the number of Angels. We are awakening to a new consciousness, a diamond consciousness that is being birthed through the death of all of us. This is a year where we are being called to open our hearts to humanity and hold boundaries against those who are harming us. Claim your space and speak your truth in responsible and informed ways. We are also in the power of the Tetrahedron, this is also associated with Archangel Raphael who is the Angel who gifts us clear inner vision, intuitive insight and seeing beyond the veil into other realms beyond physical, literally 20/20 vision.
Now keep in mind we are in Mercury retrograde is still in effect. Our communications will be challenged which can show up in relationships of all kinds and in our technology as well. It is a period of reflection and is advised to not launch any new projects but continue to work on ones already in progress. This time is a little glitchy. Throw in some Pisces energy and leap year vibes and it is sure to be an interesting ride.
This week we also had a huge peak on the Schumann resonance chart so sensitivities are a thing. Stay grounded and stay true people. The energy is very much real this day.
free flow - procrastination, shame, body image, self sabotage, anxiety & witnessing your own bullshit!
We've all been there, faced with a choice that we were afraid to make so we ask others in hopes of sabotaging ourself. When something is staring at us to change a job, a living situation, a relationship, give up a certain food, dump that person, call that person out etc. we will resist to the point of discomfort to keep life easy and for our nervous system...or so we believe. I am guilty of it. These days I am trying to convince myself to go back to the gym because I have been so tired. I know physical exercise gives me more energy and when I am stagnant, my energy feels the same way. I don't like it. I know going to the gym at this point is a positive change that will be good for me right now.
THIS IS NOT TO TELL YOU TO GO TO THE GYM! THIS IS NOT TO TELL YOU WHAT I NEED IS WHAT YOU NEED! WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT AND THERE IS NO ONE WAY! YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEED BEST! TRUST THAT!
BUT the anxiety goes through the roof any time I get in my car with all my stuff ready. And I mean after I have been talking myself up for two hours about how I am ready to go, I am just going to go into the women's section, or there's a yoga class in two hours you can make it, just go, okay you're ready, no excuse, and then I get in my car and it starts.... You haven't gone in so long everyone is going to know you're a lazy fuck. You don't know how to use any of the machines anymore... You can't do what you use to be able to do... Just go later when no one is there... Go at night it's fine, you'll still go....and then we rationalize to get out of facing a fear that you know has no place. I use to go to the gym almost every day, now it has been YEARS since then because I had my daily practice at home and I was still running around at work, but now my life has changed drastically and I need to change my habits. Because I am spending more time planning and sitting at the computer, on the phone or in meetings with people, I KNOW I NEED TO PRIORITIZE MY PHYSICAL BODY IN A NEW WAY. So I sit, fighting myself on how to get out of facing my fear day after day and I feel badly about it.
This stupid, vicious cycle eats away at my psyche and then loser, failure, lazy, all of those words that anxiety fed my breath with circulate through my lungs and blood. Now the feelings of being trapped in a body you do not want flood in. Oh it is such an interesting thing to be able to observe. To know it is bullshit, to know that as much as you may not like your body sometimes, you are grateful and in love with it, to know that you are watching old stories of pain and hurt being played out again so that you may react differently, my oh my, what a way to watch the self evolve.
And here we are, with ourself all alone again trying to convince ourself to go do that thing we have been putting off.
You know what is hiding underneath the surface that we cannot seem to understand?
It is SHAME.
Shame has a way of lurking and hiding so far down that we don't see it. Why? Because shame is hard to feel. It is a combination of sadness, rage, upset, envy, expectations failed and embarrassment. Shame holds us back by sucking power out of our solar plexus and feeding it coal. It creates a hard space in our sacral chakra that lingers off at the sides and it makes us feel unsafe in our grounding, our root chakra.
We must be willing to admit when we feel ashamed. It is in witnessing the shame that we are able to retrieve the edges of our energy. It is when we are able to see clearly that we are believing the bullshit. We are surrendering our power to old stories and lies and self made limitations.
Shame in this story is very different than another story as all stories are different.
Shame is unjustly placed on someone who has gone through tragedy or trauma. Shame and self ridicule are products of toxic environments. There is no need to hold onto shame once we realize this and work through the proper levels of healing.
At times I shut down and sabotage myself because I procrastinate, it is a problem that has been improving. Full confession though, when I put things off too long that need to get dealt with I get so ashamed I would rather hide from them than face them. Something as simple and mundane as taxes that shouldn't cause me such turmoil but making an appointment seems like the most tumultuous task. So I work through it and just do it.
I don't really know what the point of this entry was, maybe it was to simply share my humaneness with you, maybe it was to share some of my views on shame and over coming them, maybe it was for my own comfort or to work through some things in my mind.
I write for myself as much as I write for you. I have always been a writer and clarity pours over my hands as they glide across the keyboard or paper.
I love you and one of my wishes is for all humans who have been hurt to be free of shame and for us to be free of the painful thoughts associated with anxiety.
Here is something that we are currently fighting in this day and age as "toxic" masculinity is a term being thrown around without context or explanation.
MEN ARE NOT TOXIC, I want to make that point.
If you are born with a penis, you are not inherently toxic. What is toxic is the way men are and, have been protrayed to us for many, many decades even centuries and thousands of years. Wars and rape and pillage are things that are in the history of our time and it is being called to be healed. Showing force and stealing lands was something that began as a fight for power and it is not your fault. If you are of this day and age it is upto us to break down the walls that have been built around being a man. In this day and age even that statement needs to be broken down because sex and gender are ever changing as we are evolving.
The entire culture we have made in the West about "manning up" and boys don't cry has created a HUGE imbalance in the energetic system of men and women. When humans date one another, we are only able to receive and be open to the extent of our partner. If our partner is unable to be open and vulnerable, the relationship becomes emotionally detached and toxic behaviours can begin to emerge. This does not mean that every day you need to sit down and talk about your feelings, it does mean that we all need to have the capacity to have open conversations. This is important because this idea that men don't cry or boys shouldn't be upset for too long, especially over a girl/boy is harmful because, it shows you from the time you are a child that your feelings are not important. It shows you that what you are feeling is not valid. So as we stand up in this conversation we are seeing more and more people looking for connection due to the lack of connection to our own feelings/beliefs/emotions/thoughts etc.
I have been in many abusive relationships and I have been able to open myself up to the masculine again and have received a healthy relationship - after spending a lot of time alone and recallibrating what exactly I value in a partner - this is an important step to finding your person if that is something you are after.
Each man has his own right to claim his voice, his love, his emotions and his energy. It is a big responsibility right now to let the sky fall that has been placed on your shoulders. We are seeing women rise every day more and more, the masculine must meet us as well. Letting the sky fall from your shoulders is referring to every time someone said "man up", "don't be a pussy", "don't let her ruin your night", "don't take it so personally", and whatever other phrase you have repeatedly heard in your life time. It is stepping into a full acceptance that YOU also have emotions, needs, wants, desires and everything in between and that you have a right to express them. In fact, when you are able to express these things to friends, family, lovers, you are opening up the conversation to go deeper and YOU are showing others that it is okay to experience things as you need to. This is also being a leader.
THIS IS WHAT THE FEMININE LOVES! (one thing)
The feminine loves to be held by someone who knows that being a mess is not a place to be judged, that it is a place to grow and evolve and become. I believe that a lot of men have a hard time holding space for women to simply be as they see fit because, they have been told their entire lives that they cannot be a mess. It creates an unfair regulation on men to be something close to a robot.... I do not want people to think that this is speaking to every man out there because I know it is not the case. I have my partner as an example of what it means to me to honour your masculine.
Energetically the masculine is about stability, structure, safety, trust, security, logical mind, golden solar energy, growth and connection to Universe and more but I am trying to keep this post as short and tidy as possible.
The feminine is an area that when held by these things has a healthy container for blending emotion, intuition, flow, ease, grace, white lunar energy, depth, slowing down and connection to Earth and more but again, controlling the length here.
It is upto us to change the way in which we behave and what we accept. It is our responsibility to hold ourself responsible and to let go of judgments on what it means to be male OR female. There is no one way.
Your parents, grand parents, great grand parents, great great and so on all have a part of history and it may serve you to learn about your roots. If you come from a line of warriors you are healing from the fact that you were sacrifices for example. If you come from a line of wealth you could be healing from the shame of oppressing or enslaving others and having to own shame is no easy feat. If you witnessed your father, brother, uncle, teacher, anyone you'd consider a "role model" act in a way that was abusive or relentless, you could also have some programming going on behind the scenes that dictates how you give love or show love.
There are so many layers to this one that it is unfair to say that all men are bad and all men are toxic. Strong men come in all shapes and sizes, just as women do.
Next time you find yourself running away from a conversation or feeling like you want to tell someone to "step up" take a minute and think about what else is going on in their life and maybe they just need someone to talk to. Talking is normal, sharing is normal and supporting one another is normal.
Men bond differently than women, I know. Fighting pits, wrestling, all of it is included. The difference is that it comes to training for survival or for physical development, not of EGO.
Drop your Ego at the door, it has been fed your entire life and it is time for your SOUL TO BREATHE FREE.
It has been thousands of years since we stripped away Goddess consciousness from our wold. Ancient civilizations would look to the Goddess for protection AND for guidance. High Priestesses were held in the highest regard and were sought after for their knowledge and their ability to see what is to come. HELLO INTUITION! Ancient Egypt was held by women and it wasn't until their demise through weaponry and savage behaviour that a new era of slavery was born. A struggle of personal development and empowerment over our own rights to live our life as we want and to claim our wealth.
So many people and so many women have all of these blocks towards money through enslavement contracts, poverty contracts and sale contracts from lives that have passed. Some of these blocks are also due to the fact that money has been used as a weapon against them. These were made in times of desperation and where everything was stripped from those who were not "in power". When humanity raped and pillaged and treated humans worse than live stock (which was not that long ago). These are tied to our soul and they do affect us in this day and age.
It is necessary in this day and age as consciousness is rising that we allow the Goddess to reclaim her autonomy.
What does this mean?
This means that womxn around the world are rising and deciding that enough is enough. Womxn are responsible for creation of all kinds, not just children.
The Goddess as a piece of the Divine Feminine is responsible for all the the dark matter, the energy that surges through the atmosphere and exists as nothing. She is the principle that through surrendering and travelling through the deepest and darkest of caves to be seen and born in a light of birth. She makes the earth fertile as the waters carry her eggs throughout the world. Without the Goddess life cannot exist.
LADIES this is your CALL to wake up!
There are pieces of you that are left unclaimed. There are pieces of you that got left behind. There are elements that have been pushed away and neglected in this life time and IT IS TIME TO CLAIM YOUR AUTONOMY.
Dance and get wild. Have weird chats. Have self pleasure nights or mornings or days. Touch your body with love. Talk to your friends about sex and sensuality. Have days where you speak about how you don't feel sexy and how you do feel sexy. Learn to be vulnerable with yourself and others. Open your heart and your yoni to the magic that is within you.
YOU ARE SEXY AT EVERY STAGE OF YOUR LIFE!
There are a whole bunch of stigmas floating around that once you have kids or hit a certain age you cannot wear that or this or whatever. "Well that's not very age appropriate." This is one example of how our inner Goddess is unable to express herself. Women are creators and artists and one way we express this is through the desire to adorn ourself and love ourself and wear what we want to wear. That is where it should end. Society should not be allowed to come into your closet and tell you what to wear based off age or size or colour or gender. THIS IS YOUR RIGHT!
SEXUALITY IS SACRED! Your desires NEED to be heard and you NEED to feel them. We have heard it many times, PLEASURE IS YOUR BIRTH RIGHT! Why would we have these pieces of us that reach a state of natural ecstasy if we were meant to suppress them for another. When we are met with sexual energy we are suppose to be met in an equal measure. If your partner is able to express themselves and their desires, SO ARE YOU! You are worthy of having your body stroked in ways that you want and deem appropriate and not inappropriate. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO TELL SOMEONE TO GET LOST IF THEY DISRESPECT YOU, especially if it is a pattern!.
We all put up with so much shit from people throughout out life time that we need to channel that divine rage, THANK YOU KALI and SPEAK OUR VOICES!
I have always been out spoken and to be honest, a lot of girls and womxn in my life have left because of it. Not out spoken in a rude way, rather, I speak my truth and people cannot handle it. If someone does something that crosses me, I let them know in a way where I stand my ground and leave the conversation open for communication. A lot of the time in my past, people wouldn't be able to handle it because I was right. They were being selfish or inconsiderate or letting people walk all over them and putting them self down and I would not have it. Another thing to note here is that when people suppress what they want to say and watch others so openly express it, they get irritated because they do not have that for themselves.
OUR VOICE IS NEEDED!
So many people (mxn and womxn) have a throat chakra issue which is our ability to communicate and listen properly, this needs to also change but that is for a different day.
Stand up! Wake up! Do something!
If you are feeling disconnected, get into your body. Dance, move, touch your self, self pleasure because that is mega important, connect with other womxn and get real. Go to nature and stand in her beauty and destruction. Have a bath. Go in the lake, a sauna. Honour your cycles of bleeding as they show us when it is time to take action and slow down. Learn to listen to your body, she is a very wise guide.
The Goddess listens to her body and her intuition first. She trusts herself and she holds her ground. She is able to wear what she desires from day to day and understands that she can change into new at any time. She is the stable ground of life and she is the way to create the life you desire.
She is within you, she is around you and she is holding your hand.
Ask her for guidance by placing a hand on your womb/pelvis and a hand on your heart and slowly she will come.
Have patience and welcome your personal Goddess to come forward into your awareness and watch your energies dance and birth a new you.
The time of the Goddess is now. It is not coming, IT IS NOW!
Sincerely & with love,
The endless searching.....
Times have come and they have gone and my quest has changed immensely. Once upon a time my quest was to be happy, then my quest became a search for an answer, why am I so sad, my quest changed again, why am I so angry, why am I so sad, where can I go next, what country haven't I been to, what forest have I not touched, why have the souls of my feet never touched earth in the winter, what do the seasons mean, what is energy, what is reiki, do we have a soul, is this life real, does physical reality even exist, what part of me is lost, did that just happen, where did trees come from, how do spirits receive nourishment, where does energy come from, why am I so sad, is this what being happy feels like, wood is so cool, water is amazing, fire is my favourite, air is confusing, where do the thoughts go when we stop searching?
This list could go on and on and on and on, just as most things in life if they go unchecked. I am an answer seeker, a no bullshit taker kind of person. This can be a beautiful gift or it can become something I need to pull back in. When I start searching, I SEARCH until I believe I know. I always end up at a crossroads however and that is because how do we ever truly know. How can we trust what we have learnt or read or seen to be true?
The search of who we are and who we want to be plays a large role in our lives and what I find rather interesting is that we often seek that information from people, places and things outside of ourself. When we are young we are given tasks, clothing, books, friends and it isn't until we are a little older that we usually start to feel disconnected. Why is that? I believe it is because through the power of constant suggestion and bombardments from society of WHO humans are has infiltrated out psyche on so many levels that if we want to do something that feels different, we restrict and do not allow that part of us to come out. It is that part, those many weird and different parts that make up who we are in our unique way. The search for who we are starts when we are young and gets lost somewhere in school and in jobs. Wear this, don't wear that, play this sport not that sport, girls can do this, guys can do that, it starts changing what we want or believe we want without even giving us a fighting chance.
The everlasting, never ending beauty of the searching comes from the ability to create and become everything you'd like to be and nothing you don't. It becomes a black hole of creation and surrendering to the greatest you that exists - the you without the details or the frills or the balls or the boobs. It becomes a powerful meditation to sit and create a life worth searching for. It takes a powerful human to stand up against the life they have built and start again.
I humble to you and ask you, as I ask myself, where can I keep searching, where can I keep digging, where can I lose the mask and lose the guards, where can I soften and surrender to the life of my dreams?
Don't stop searching and creating for yourself, that is a key part of being in this human body.
With love always,
Seasons come and seasons go, life happens and we tend to miss out on opportunities to honour the seasons within us. This Fall has proven to be one of BIG changes for a lot of people, myself included. Here in the Northern Hemisphere we have entered Fall, the season of dying, ruled by the cardinal direction of the West and the sacred element of Water. Water rules our emotions and our ability to flow through challenges and obstacles. This season presents us with many opportunities to let go of the bullshit, the people, the life, the grit and the residue that has held us in the same spot for years or a life time. Each Fall we are asked to look at where we were this time the previous year and to unbiasedly see where we have been able to accomplish growth and areas we have not. This can be a little hard to look as it is also asking for us to take responsibility for where we are in reference to where we wish we would be. When we take stock of where we were to where we are, we witness the beautiful expansion and we also witness the areas of contraction - the pieces that have stayed the same the longest usually hide here. The pieces of us that we have been working on changing for years where we manage to make some progress only to be pulled back down by the undertow again and again.
This year has been a big one. We have had a lot of energy in the air in relation to clearing Karma and making opportunities for new Karma to take hold. Karma is not simply how you treat others, it is how you treat yourself and how you treat your life. If you are putting in an honest effort and not beating yourself up or dragging yourself through the mud to get there, Karma will find you and treat you accordingly and vice versa.
Right now, there is a lot of Karma being released for me and my family. There is a balance coming forward as Fall Equinox (Mabon which just ended on Sept 29) is about balancing the light and the dark with equal Sun and Moon times in the sky. Fall shows us where we have been going too hard for it is a time of rest and recuperation. It is a time to take stock of what is left in 2019 and the areas we committed to last year or last month and to make a plan in accordance to balancing out the remaining months. It is finding a balance within, the dance of our own individual Yin (feminine) and Yang (masculine) polarities. My inner masculine is taking control over certain areas of my life while my sweet feminine is surrendering in a HUGE way to big, gigantic even, changes happening. "I relinquish control."
Fall gets colder yet the trees grow brighter in colour as they prepare to shed their leaves -use this as a reflection for the trees signify the beauty in the process and the light in the death.
Take your time this time of year and slow right down. Sip your tea or coffee or wine slowly and get lost in the taste upon your tongue. Eat warm veggies like squash to feel the Earth's nourishment for your Soul and warm you from the inside out. This is a time to honour yourself and where you have been and where you are going.
Easy Fire Ceremony Guide
Carve out sometime to write down that which you are ready to let go of (people, things, parts of yourself, self consciousness, job, partner, etc.) and offer it to the fire.
**PLEASE BE CAREFUL AS THIS CEREMONY USES LIVE FIRE**
Take some time and centre and begin to write down all that you wish to release.
If you want, write down that which you want to call in on a separate piece of paper.
If you do not have access to a fire pit use a candle and a bowl of water.
1. To begin, sprinkle salt over the water/fire pit (call on protection and guidance from the four sacred directions).
2. Light your piece of paper on fire with intentions of release. If you are using a fire pit, you are welcome to place your paper into the fire and watch it burn slowly or you are invited to light part of the paper in the fire and hold it in your fingers until comfortable and throwing the burning paper into the fire (either or is fine, I'm a pyro in case you couldn't tell).
3. Let the paper burn for as long as comfortable and drop it in the bowl of water with gratitude.
4. If you chose to write down that which you'd like to call in/manifest, take a few minutes, hold this paper in your hands and feel it all, feel yourself as that person who has all that they have written down, feel yourself in power, gratitude and alignment.
5. Offer this piece to the fire/candle and repeat the process as you did for the first one.
6. Take your bowl of water outside, dig a little hole and pour this into the Earth as an offering and a symbol of resolve. If you have a fire pit simply slow down and watch the paper burn slowly, you are also welcome to light it carefully, hold it in your fingers until comfortable and then dropping it into the fire.
7. Sprinkle salt over your fire for closing.
8. Give yourself some time to sit by your candle/fire pit and acknowledge the growth you just inspired.
With love and gratitude,
9. Journal as this ritual also calls forward your ancestors, guides and angels to help you on your way and these thoughts come in loud and clear and then they can disappear just as quickly.
with love, compassion, gratitude and forgiveness