As if this year wasn't feeling jam packed enough already, we are dealing with a serious portal with the beautiful numerical vibrations of 02, 08, 11 and 04. 02 Being the month of February, 08 being the total of month+day+year, 11 being the 2+9 representing today's date, and 4 being our Universal Year 2+0+2+0=4.  Throw in the energy of the time warp as we are only in this energy once every 4 years.

The creation of the leap year came in the reign of Julius Caesar but was then recalibrated after 16 centuries and a total loss of 12 days by the Gregorian calendar in 1582, this places us 13 days ahead of the Julian calendar (Julius Caesar).  Why the change in calendars? Well you see, the Sun rotates around the Earth every 365.2425 days leaving us with an extra 5 hours and 48 minutes left over in each year and because humans are humans and we need the illusion of control, time and organization in this way, Pope Gregory XIII found this route of molding time to fit within our world.  

On this day we experience a void, a space that we otherwise would not get to witness and having an extra day each year to be human.  Now, the beauty with this day is the Spiritual energy of the numbers and the gift from Universe to take time and remember the importance of consciousness and connection.  

11 is a Master number known for high spiritual enlightenment and awakening.  It is encouraging for growth, inspiration, creativity, enthusiasm and optimism.  11 is a number that is also associated with granting wishes through Spiritual growth and acknowledgment that all matter is produced by light. 

02 is the number associated with harmony, balance, intuition, sensitivity and inner strength.  02 encourages us to welcome peace and balance into our lives while supporting our own goals and those around us.  What may be coming up at this time as we are in Mercury retrograde is the clarity of sight in regards to those around you.  So often we stick by people out of the goodness of our hearts when in reality it can be those same people who are standing in our way of truly claiming our voices and standing our ground for what we desire most.  Where can you offer yourself balance and harmony? What insights have you been resisting so far in this year? Where is your strength and dedication on a scale of 1-5?  02 is also associated with the Divine Feminine; this allows us to enter a deep space of compassion, love, understanding and going with the flow.  Take the past of least resistance unless the resistance is coming from within.  If that is the case as yourself why you are resisting the changes or guidance being presented?

08 is the number we all know to be abundance.  Now it does not mean abundance will simply be granted on this day but it welcome the energy of determination, organization, planning and responsibility.  It is through these acts of dedication (thank you energy of #02) to harmony and balance and the spiritual guidance (thank you energy of #11) that we are able to achieve this abundance available in the #08.  08 is also a very fluid number, write it down and see how the circles flow into the next.  When turned sideways it is the symbol of infinity and it is also one step before the completion found in #09.  08 is an appreciation of the growth you have made, the gratitude for where you are and what you have, gratitude for the world around you and witnessing the abundance in the natural world.  If you are finding resistance within this number as yourself what you can be grateful for you? What abundance is already available to me in this very moment? Take a breath and feel the abundance of air in this world? Move your body and get creative as this number also encourages new ideas surrounding money. 

04, this is the overall forecast of the year in numerology.  There are 9 years 1-9.  How you find the year is by simply adding all the numbers up of that year and if needed reducing them to a single digit.  Example, 2019/ 2+0+1+9 = 12 =1+2=3 meaning 2019 was a year 3.  2020/ 2+0+2+0 = 4.  The number 4 appears so often in our society as basic levels of understanding: 4 elements, 4 directions, 4 winds, 4 states of matter, 4 blood types, 4 noble truths of Buddhism, 4 gospels and so on.  This number holds a vibration of leadership, self responsibility and no bullshit.  This is the ending of the spiritual bullshit of manifestation, believe and it will appear, think it and it will come.  This is where we do the work.  Last year we were cracked open, we got to witness the pieces of our self and our lives that were no longer working, that had been holding us back and we saw through illusions of those around us.  This year is taking it that much further with Karmic releases at a new decade and the ending of 3 planetary cycles, Saturn, Pluto and Neptune.  This is a year for us to take responsibility over the creation of our lives and clear our third eye and pineal gland communications to one another.  You will no longer be drawn to the easy "bait" that so many leaders have been relying on for centuries because we are awakening.  22 which is also present in 2020 is the number of Angels.  We are awakening to a new consciousness, a diamond consciousness that is being birthed through the death of all of us.  This is a year where we are being called to open our hearts to humanity and hold boundaries against those who are harming us.  Claim your space and speak your truth in responsible and informed ways.  We are also in the power of the Tetrahedron, this is also associated with Archangel Raphael who is the Angel who gifts us clear inner vision, intuitive insight and seeing beyond the veil into other realms beyond physical, literally 20/20 vision.  

Now keep in mind we are in Mercury retrograde is still in effect.  Our communications will be challenged which can show up in relationships of all kinds and in our technology as well.  It is a period of reflection and is advised to not launch any new projects but continue to work on ones already in progress.  This time is a little glitchy.  Throw in some Pisces energy and leap year vibes and it is sure to be an interesting ride.

This week we also had a huge peak on the Schumann resonance chart so sensitivities are a thing.  Stay grounded and stay true people.  The energy is very much real this day.  

xox
​J

We've all been there, faced with a choice that we were afraid to make so we ask others in hopes of sabotaging ourself.  When something is staring at us to change a job, a living situation, a relationship, give up a certain food, dump that person, call that person out etc. we will resist to the point of discomfort to keep life easy and for our nervous system...or so we believe.  I am guilty of it.  These days I am trying to convince myself to go back to the gym because I have been so tired.  I know physical exercise gives me more energy and when I am stagnant, my energy feels the same way. I don't like it.  I know going to the gym at this point is a positive change that will be good for me right now.

THIS IS NOT TO TELL YOU TO GO TO THE GYM! THIS IS NOT TO TELL YOU WHAT I NEED IS WHAT YOU NEED! WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT AND THERE IS NO ONE WAY! YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEED BEST! TRUST THAT!

BUT the anxiety goes through the roof any time I get in my car with all my stuff ready.  And I mean after I have been talking myself up for two hours about how I am ready to go, I am just going to go into the women's section, or there's a yoga class in two hours you can make it, just go, okay you're ready, no excuse, and then I get in my car and it starts.... You haven't gone in so long everyone is going to know you're a lazy fuck.  You don't know how to use any of the machines anymore... You can't do what you use to be able to do... Just go later when no one is there... Go at night it's fine, you'll still go....and then we rationalize to get out of facing a fear that you know has no place.  I use to go to the gym almost every day, now it has been YEARS since then because I had my daily practice at home and I was still running around at work, but now my life has changed drastically and I need to change my habits.  Because I am spending more time planning and sitting at the computer, on the phone or in meetings with people, I KNOW I NEED TO PRIORITIZE MY PHYSICAL BODY IN A NEW WAY.  So I sit, fighting myself on how to get out of facing my fear day after day and I feel badly about it.

This stupid, vicious cycle eats away at my psyche and then loser, failure, lazy, all of those words that anxiety fed my breath with circulate through my lungs and blood.  Now the feelings of being trapped in a body you do not want flood in.  Oh it is such an interesting thing to be able to observe.  To know it is bullshit, to know that as much as you may not like your body sometimes, you are grateful and in love with it, to know that you are watching old stories of pain and hurt being played out again so that you may react differently, my oh my, what a way to watch the self evolve.

And here we are, with ourself all alone again trying to convince ourself to go do that thing we have been putting off.

You know what is hiding underneath the surface that we cannot seem to understand?

It is SHAME.

Shame has a way of lurking and hiding so far down that we don't see it. Why? Because shame is hard to feel.  It is a combination of sadness, rage, upset, envy, expectations failed and embarrassment.  Shame holds us back by sucking power out of our solar plexus and feeding it coal.  It creates a hard space in our sacral chakra that lingers off at the sides and it makes us feel unsafe in our grounding, our root chakra. 

We must be willing to admit when we feel ashamed.  It is in witnessing the shame that we are able to retrieve the edges of our energy.  It is when we are able to see clearly that we are believing the bullshit.  We are surrendering our power to old stories and lies and self made limitations. 

Shame in this story is very different than another story as all stories are different.

Shame is unjustly placed on someone who has gone through tragedy or trauma.  Shame and self ridicule are products of toxic environments.  There is no need to hold onto shame once we realize this and work through the proper levels of healing.  

At times I shut down and sabotage myself because I procrastinate, it is a problem that has been improving.  Full confession though, when I put things off too long that need to get dealt with I get so ashamed I would rather hide from them than face them.  Something as simple and mundane as taxes that shouldn't cause me such turmoil but making an appointment seems like the most tumultuous task.  So I work through it and just do it.  

I don't really know what the point of this entry was, maybe it was to simply share my humaneness with you, maybe it was to share some of my views on shame and over coming them, maybe it was for my own comfort or to work through some things in my mind.

I write for myself as much as I write for you.  I have always been a writer and clarity pours over my hands as they glide across the keyboard or paper.

I love you and one of my wishes is for all humans who have been hurt to be free of shame and for us to be free of the painful thoughts associated with anxiety.

xox
​-J