My first experience with Reiki
My Reiki journey started nine years ago when I was going through a really dark period in my life. I have had a lot of dark periods in my life, lets be honest, but this time was a little different. It was my 20th birthday and I spent it with a very good friend of mine in Kingston hanging out, not drinking and received my first Reiki treatment. This was a two hour experience as she did a full front and back session. I was exhausted afterwards. I remember my body was sore the next day. I did not know what to expect. What I had just gone through was my boyfriend who I had been with for 4 years and on and off for 2 had just cheated on me - all of my best friends knew, no one told me. I was betrayed by everyone closest to me, and all they said was "we didn't want to get in the middle of it." How was I suppose to feel? I was shattered, broken open in a million tiny pieces. Someone I was with since I was 15, who I poured my entirety into treated me like a door mat, like I didn't matter. The best part, he didn't even bother to wear protection.
BACK TO REIKI
Okay, so what was mind blowing to me, I was an atheist and very practical. I read about metaphysics, quantum physics and I loved it, I still do. I am still practical, maybe that is why I love Reiki and eastern medicine. It follows ancient sciences that in the West we dismiss.
After my Reiki session, I was exhausted but I felt clear, a sense of peace had broken open within me. I was hooked. I received my Reiki level l that weekend as well as a gift from my dear friend. I had my Reiki level l for like 6 years before I went for my level ll. I never thought in a million years I would be where I am today, I don't think anyone would have guess it. That goth girl who lives for death metal to be walking around talking about energy healing and mental health. I definitely didn't think I would become so intuitive/psychic; but here I am. Loud and in complete awe at what I have witnessed.
My first experience with Reiki changed the way I see the world and the way I saw myself. I had accepted my depression when I was 18 and started meditating before bed, it really helped my insomnia. When I met Reiki energy, something shifted. It provided relief without the need for drugs, alcohol, or any substance for that matter. In fact, whenever I get a session done, I don't smoke any weed, similar to how I meditate. I ensure I am sober. The mind is funny, so I like the challenge of working with the sober mind, I spent some time diving deep into drugs and alcohol as I feel so many of us have.
When I met Reiki, the atheist inside of me was happy. Here was something I could use that was practical and something I could study and continue to learn more and more about.
The other beautiful thing about Reiki is that it is different for everyone. Everyone experiences it differently and everyone offers a session that is a little different.
Reiki opened up my mind and body in a way I didn't think possible.
That one day with a trusted friend, who held her hands over my body with minimal touching was able to break through so much pain, so much trauma, sadness, disbelief that it started me on the journey I still walk today.
I am honoured to have Reiki beside me as I walk through this life and into the next. Reiki has opened me up to past life experiences, deep ancestral connections, access to the Akashic records, I have even channelled those who have passed over into the next for those on my table. Spirit guides, animal totems, tarot cards, I have met them all and I have become a channel. Something I was always drawn to was the occult studies, who knew Reiki would take me there.
That is the beauty of Reiki, it is organic and holds no intention. It takes you exactly where you are suppose to go.
I hope by reading this I have inspired you to get a session, if not by me then by someone.
Don't get stuck in the West, there is beautiful medicine in the East and it wants to be seen.
xox thanks for reading, leave a comment if you feel like sharing your first experience with Reiki.
I love you, Jessy
Empath: someone who has the paranormal ability to apprehend the mental or emotion state of another individual (also applies to animals).
Are you an empath?
Have there been times when you have walked into a room of people or friends and you started to sweat, experience nervousness, anxiety, extreme excitement, grief, sadness and couldn't understand why?
Chances are you are picking up on the group energy or one individuals energy within the room.
Do you feel drained after hanging out with someone who is demanding of your emotional container?
Do you experience pain when someone in your family goes through pain?
and I mean seriously feel something to the point where it can bring on confusion.
These are some signs that you are an empath. A lot of time anxiety can be a trigger for empaths because empaths don't know they are an empath until they have heard about it from somewhere or someone, this results in a lack of education and awareness. And the overload of energy smacks right into your energetic field causing your vibe the shake. Awareness is what gives us emotional strength. This is not something that is spoken about often in the "non-spiritual" world but it is very real.
YOU DO NOT NEED TO BE SPIRITUAL TO BE AN EMPATH!
Humans are born with different systems to help them on their journey and to help build community. Part of building community is holding space for others in their times of need and having our space be held when we need it as well.
Empathy is quite common; I believe a fair amount of people turn away from experiencing emotion because it can be so intense. In the end, we end up disconnecting from one of our greatest gifts to ourSelf and to others, our ability to feel for others.
OKAY! so what does this mean for our overall health as an EMPATH?
This means that YOU must take responsibility to stay in your body.
How do we do this? How do we clear the energy?
There are a number of ways that we can stay in our body and be aware of those outside of ours, here we go.
It is important to clear yourself daily. This is part of my overall health and I take it very seriously. You can even do a simple cleanse in your shower. Visualize the water pouring over your head as a way of clearing, this is SUPER BENEFICIAL for your Crown chakra, and feel it pulling the energy down your body and out of your feet, finally down the drain.
This does not have to be complicated, but it does NEED to be done.
When we cleanse out others energies from our body, we feel lighter, less bloated, less stiff, less confused, less in our head, less anxious, less tired, less drained, less used.
I have been doing some deep clearings coming into this Full Moon in Scorpio and I have literally lost weight. You see and feel the results when you start practicing these things.
Depression and Anxiety are masks for what is going on energetically within. Physical reaction is the delayed reaction to energetic and emotional interaction.
When we start to become aware that we are so much more that mere physical material, hopefully we see the necessity to self-care. I don't mean just baths and coffee dates and good food. I mean the self-care that needs to be done in order to help deal with the negative chatter that fills the mind and body.
Some humans will unknowingly or knowingly take advantage of your susceptible energy system and the will latch on to you for an extended period of time until you become aware of their attachment. This is why we feel extra drained sometimes or when one friend leans on us too much and since we feel their pain, we don't put up a healthy boundary and we end up draining ourSelf for their personal health over our own.
Empaths have a tendency to put themselves last, which is rather obvious when you think back to the definition of an empath.
This blog is an encouragement to put yourself first in a healthy way while still being there to support those around you.
You cannot fill another's cup if yours is empty. Fill your cup and hold space in a safe way.
Energetic education matters!
If you have any questions please feel free to use the comment section under this blog post.
I have so much more to say but I need to end this at some point.
I am sure I will be posting some more in the future.
I love you
You are forgiven
This is an extension of a post I made on my instagram the other day that I felt needed a deeper story.
I want to take a moment and honour you. I want to take a moment and honour myself.
Are you asking why?
Let me tell you.
Relationships are hard and partnerships can be even harder. I honour you for showing up for yourself on the days you don’t know how. I honour you for offering yourself guidance and perseverance every day or simply when you have the strength to find it.
I want to open the conversation about abuse and how it has related to my mental health throughout my short life time and at this stage of my life.
I want to start by asking you something.
How do you receive love?
Do you receive it through fighting, screaming, belittling, drinking, hot and colds?
Do you receive it through laughter, surrender, kisses, hugs, emotional connection?
This distinction is needed as we venture deep into our Shadow Self.
For my entire life up until about two and a half years ago I associated love with anger. I believed that people showed love by how angry they would get as a sign of affection. What happened in the anger was so harmful that parts of me slowly became numb and inexistent. Things I once loved no longer found their way into my life. Friends I once cherished disappeared for years when I was dating someone. This was my choice at the time. I believed I had to give my partner EVERYTHING in order to be deserving of their “love” (their words and actions of abuse).
The roots of how I saw love was based on my home life, my Dad continuously cheated on my Mom and there was, well, lots of drama surrounding love at home (within each of my siblings as well). I had my first long term relationship when I was 12 that lasted for just over two years. Obviously being so young, there was lots of drama.
I don’t want this to be a blog about my relationships, I want this blog to offer some insight into how relationships and depression are intertwined from my experience.
Depression for me, left me feeling constantly depleted and never enough; I always felt I had to offer my partner something in order to receive affection. This led to me always offering sex as a way to receive affirmations of love. It also led me to being the financial supporter in all of my relationships. I wasn’t enough, I had to contribute something.
What is WILD when I started dissecting my life is how those people I dated would accept it continuously and I would just offer more and more and yes, even more.
I would compromise my own stability to ensure their “love”.
Depression had me seeking an outside force for love rather than cultivating love within myself.
When I felt bad, like I wanted to die, I would send so much love outwards in hopes that it would be reciprocated, but it rarely was.
I CRAVED love so much that I relied on others for my emotional stability, I was extremely co-dependant. My life had no meaning if they were not in it.
This breaks my heart now thinking of how much pain I put myself through on a quest for acceptance.
“Depression and Anxiety” have a very distinct way of making us feel naked and constantly at risk. “Depression” got stronger and stronger the longer I was with someone. WHY? Because depression is a sign of DISCONNECTION and DISCONNECTION happens when we don’t hear, listen, or acknowledge ourselves. I found the longer I was in a relationship the more disconnected I felt from myself as a result of pushing away others, not taking time to do things I enjoy and not spending time alone.
I would spend years and years with the same guy even though my friends and family would try to show me otherwise and the relationship was riddled with different types of abuse.
I wouldn’t listen.
This was what I deserved.
Tears are starting to fill my eyes as I write this because I know so many others feel the way I use to feel.
I was in my mid 20s before I said enough is enough, which is early for most. I know humans in their 30s, 40s, and 50s who are just starting to reclaim their truth.
The truth that WE DESERVE RESPECT, LOVE and TRUTH just as much as anyone else.
We all make mistakes. We all go through hardships. We must forgive, truly forgive. But we must not only forgive others, we must forgive our Self as well. This is the secret! FORGIVING YOURSELF!
Relationships constantly put me in the wrong, in the blame, the problem was always me. That is what happens when we date controlling people, they always know how to turn the argument around. I am not even getting into the deep manipulation or self-centred humans behaviours, that all go into controlling someone… The problem is never the other person, the both of you, it was always on ME. I was always the problem.
Finally, I spent almost three years with someone who was abusive towards me in front of his family on a vacation in the last few months we were together. He was living out of his car, had little to no money, and ended up totalling his car one night after having too much to drink. I still think he cheated on me too, but he wouldn’t admit it.
WTF WAS I DOING?
This relationship was the last straw.
I KNOW I DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS!
I AM NOT PUTTING UP WITH THIS!
We had more fights after I started to reclaim my power within by saying NO! You cannot and will not talk to me like this. You do not have a right to be at my place. You have to leave! He would never listen, so I left. I made sure he nor anyone else would have any control over me again.
I finally learnt to listen to my depression, my disconnection from who I am, what I value and how I love (this took my really deep into some belief systems and patterns I had since I was two).
I learnt that I do not deserve this and no one does.
Depression has a way of tricking us into the shit to show us that we are more than that.
Depression has a way of tricking us into the lies because depression wants to show us that they are lies.
Depression showed me that I have to be willing to spend time within and see the pieces of me that fell apart over the years and slowly, slowly, I put myself together again.
Single and date free for a year, I cultivated so much love and respect for myself, I remember that I thought “I always do better single. I am always happier single.” I vouched that day to never let anyone steal my life again.
I remember spending time getting so clear on what I want from a partner that if they did not meet what I wanted/desired/valued, they would hold no space in my life.
My mental stability was reflected time and time again through every relationship until I was willing to fight every urge in my body to go for the rude, condescending men I always had.
I hope that through reading this, something has flipped and you realize that YOUR worth is not dictated by someone in your life.
YOU WORTH IS DICTATED BY YOUR ABILITY TO OWN IT!
I love you and you are forever forgiven,
Depression is a teacher, it is our Soul trying desperately to communicate to our Ego that we are so much more than we perceive.
TELL YOUR STORY TRUTHFULLY
I want to post a little about honouring your story and the importance of understanding the power of words as a means of healing.
For a long time I told my story in a very vague way, almost to play it down as if I did not have a right to feel sad, angry, forgotten etc.
There are still only a number of people who know exactly everything that happened in my life and family growing up, mostly because they were there with me during these times.
There are those who picked me up after every abusive relationship failed again and again and again.
NOW when I tell my story to those I feel called or share in circle in safe containers, I OWN my story. I claim every bit of it as my own and embrace it for making me who I am today.
When I was downplaying my story, I was downplaying my emotional well-being, I was downplaying my entirety, my feelings, my life.
I was doing this for a number of reasons but my number one reason for not telling my story from a victim's perspective was because I understood that others had it "worse" than I did. I spent time building homes in developing countries, working in an orphanage and more. All of these humans had smiles on and were the first to help others when they needed it. This led me to believe that I did not have a right to feel sad.
This is an issue...trauma is trauma and life is life. No two will look the same and that is the point. In our human experience we are meant to see things for what they are and if we are downplaying our story, if we are downplaying our life, we are downplaying our self as well.
When we downplay our self, when we do not let our self validate our feelings towards our past, we don't really open up to the full level of love and healing that is acceptable.
I had a house to live in, food on my table, I was in dance for a very long time, I played soccer, internet, TV, etc. so was it that bad?
And then I started to share more about my life by the age of 12. My parents had already separated once when I was 2.5 and I have very strong memories of those years until I was 5 and my Dad moved back home. He left again when I was 12, only my parents lived in the same house for 2 years...Mom upstairs and Dad downstairs as we were getting ready to sell the house...
During that time my Mom was working like a savage as she was a stay at home Mom for 23 years...
I am the youngest of 4 and as 12 years old, I was the first one home from school and would start to make dinner for my siblings. I would go to dance, come home and eat the dinner afterwards.
This seems l like something so small, until one day, I was sharing part of this story with an adult, another parent, and what they said really lit a piece of me up. This kind man who was hosting a retreat in Peru looked at me and said,
"You didn't really get much of a childhood." I always thought I did and I honestly, never saw it that way until he said this.
Something clicked, I still hadn't fully embraced and told my story in it's complete truth.
As time unveils, more and more of my story does to.
Each time I tell a new part, I am met with so much love, compassion and understanding that the guilt, restraint, or anger I had towards my own feelings melts away.
It is through this process that we are able to forgive ourself for feeling resentment, anger, self-hatred etc.
Through honouring your story, you honour your life, your place, your self.
When we tell our story from an empowered place rather than the victim, we are met with understanding and release.
Take back your story!
It is your life!
It is your experience and no one has a right to tell you how you should feel.
You can work with it. You can heal with it.
Write it out.
Everything that harmed you or still harms you and own your story.
You are here because of what you went through and we only get dealt what we can handle.
So take pride in your strength.
Take pride in YOU.
I love you so much.
May you forgive yourself as I forgive you in totality.