Here is something that we are currently fighting in this day and age as "toxic" masculinity is a term being thrown around without context or explanation.
MEN ARE NOT TOXIC, I want to make that point.
If you are born with a penis, you are not inherently toxic. What is toxic is the way men are and, have been protrayed to us for many, many decades even centuries and thousands of years. Wars and rape and pillage are things that are in the history of our time and it is being called to be healed. Showing force and stealing lands was something that began as a fight for power and it is not your fault. If you are of this day and age it is upto us to break down the walls that have been built around being a man. In this day and age even that statement needs to be broken down because sex and gender are ever changing as we are evolving.
The entire culture we have made in the West about "manning up" and boys don't cry has created a HUGE imbalance in the energetic system of men and women. When humans date one another, we are only able to receive and be open to the extent of our partner. If our partner is unable to be open and vulnerable, the relationship becomes emotionally detached and toxic behaviours can begin to emerge. This does not mean that every day you need to sit down and talk about your feelings, it does mean that we all need to have the capacity to have open conversations. This is important because this idea that men don't cry or boys shouldn't be upset for too long, especially over a girl/boy is harmful because, it shows you from the time you are a child that your feelings are not important. It shows you that what you are feeling is not valid. So as we stand up in this conversation we are seeing more and more people looking for connection due to the lack of connection to our own feelings/beliefs/emotions/thoughts etc.
I have been in many abusive relationships and I have been able to open myself up to the masculine again and have received a healthy relationship - after spending a lot of time alone and recallibrating what exactly I value in a partner - this is an important step to finding your person if that is something you are after.
Each man has his own right to claim his voice, his love, his emotions and his energy. It is a big responsibility right now to let the sky fall that has been placed on your shoulders. We are seeing women rise every day more and more, the masculine must meet us as well. Letting the sky fall from your shoulders is referring to every time someone said "man up", "don't be a pussy", "don't let her ruin your night", "don't take it so personally", and whatever other phrase you have repeatedly heard in your life time. It is stepping into a full acceptance that YOU also have emotions, needs, wants, desires and everything in between and that you have a right to express them. In fact, when you are able to express these things to friends, family, lovers, you are opening up the conversation to go deeper and YOU are showing others that it is okay to experience things as you need to. This is also being a leader.
THIS IS WHAT THE FEMININE LOVES! (one thing)
The feminine loves to be held by someone who knows that being a mess is not a place to be judged, that it is a place to grow and evolve and become. I believe that a lot of men have a hard time holding space for women to simply be as they see fit because, they have been told their entire lives that they cannot be a mess. It creates an unfair regulation on men to be something close to a robot.... I do not want people to think that this is speaking to every man out there because I know it is not the case. I have my partner as an example of what it means to me to honour your masculine.
Energetically the masculine is about stability, structure, safety, trust, security, logical mind, golden solar energy, growth and connection to Universe and more but I am trying to keep this post as short and tidy as possible.
The feminine is an area that when held by these things has a healthy container for blending emotion, intuition, flow, ease, grace, white lunar energy, depth, slowing down and connection to Earth and more but again, controlling the length here.
It is upto us to change the way in which we behave and what we accept. It is our responsibility to hold ourself responsible and to let go of judgments on what it means to be male OR female. There is no one way.
Your parents, grand parents, great grand parents, great great and so on all have a part of history and it may serve you to learn about your roots. If you come from a line of warriors you are healing from the fact that you were sacrifices for example. If you come from a line of wealth you could be healing from the shame of oppressing or enslaving others and having to own shame is no easy feat. If you witnessed your father, brother, uncle, teacher, anyone you'd consider a "role model" act in a way that was abusive or relentless, you could also have some programming going on behind the scenes that dictates how you give love or show love.
There are so many layers to this one that it is unfair to say that all men are bad and all men are toxic. Strong men come in all shapes and sizes, just as women do.
Next time you find yourself running away from a conversation or feeling like you want to tell someone to "step up" take a minute and think about what else is going on in their life and maybe they just need someone to talk to. Talking is normal, sharing is normal and supporting one another is normal.
Men bond differently than women, I know. Fighting pits, wrestling, all of it is included. The difference is that it comes to training for survival or for physical development, not of EGO.
Drop your Ego at the door, it has been fed your entire life and it is time for your SOUL TO BREATHE FREE.