TELL YOUR STORY TRUTHFULLY
I want to post a little about honouring your story and the importance of understanding the power of words as a means of healing.
For a long time I told my story in a very vague way, almost to play it down as if I did not have a right to feel sad, angry, forgotten etc.
There are still only a number of people who know exactly everything that happened in my life and family growing up, mostly because they were there with me during these times.
There are those who picked me up after every abusive relationship failed again and again and again.
NOW when I tell my story to those I feel called or share in circle in safe containers, I OWN my story. I claim every bit of it as my own and embrace it for making me who I am today.
When I was downplaying my story, I was downplaying my emotional well-being, I was downplaying my entirety, my feelings, my life.
I was doing this for a number of reasons but my number one reason for not telling my story from a victim's perspective was because I understood that others had it "worse" than I did. I spent time building homes in developing countries, working in an orphanage and more. All of these humans had smiles on and were the first to help others when they needed it. This led me to believe that I did not have a right to feel sad.
This is an issue...trauma is trauma and life is life. No two will look the same and that is the point. In our human experience we are meant to see things for what they are and if we are downplaying our story, if we are downplaying our life, we are downplaying our self as well.
When we downplay our self, when we do not let our self validate our feelings towards our past, we don't really open up to the full level of love and healing that is acceptable.
I had a house to live in, food on my table, I was in dance for a very long time, I played soccer, internet, TV, etc. so was it that bad?
And then I started to share more about my life by the age of 12. My parents had already separated once when I was 2.5 and I have very strong memories of those years until I was 5 and my Dad moved back home. He left again when I was 12, only my parents lived in the same house for 2 years...Mom upstairs and Dad downstairs as we were getting ready to sell the house...
During that time my Mom was working like a savage as she was a stay at home Mom for 23 years...
I am the youngest of 4 and as 12 years old, I was the first one home from school and would start to make dinner for my siblings. I would go to dance, come home and eat the dinner afterwards.
This seems l like something so small, until one day, I was sharing part of this story with an adult, another parent, and what they said really lit a piece of me up. This kind man who was hosting a retreat in Peru looked at me and said,
"You didn't really get much of a childhood." I always thought I did and I honestly, never saw it that way until he said this.
Something clicked, I still hadn't fully embraced and told my story in it's complete truth.
As time unveils, more and more of my story does to.
Each time I tell a new part, I am met with so much love, compassion and understanding that the guilt, restraint, or anger I had towards my own feelings melts away.
It is through this process that we are able to forgive ourself for feeling resentment, anger, self-hatred etc.
Through honouring your story, you honour your life, your place, your self.
When we tell our story from an empowered place rather than the victim, we are met with understanding and release.
Take back your story!
It is your life!
It is your experience and no one has a right to tell you how you should feel.
You can work with it. You can heal with it.
Write it out.
Everything that harmed you or still harms you and own your story.
You are here because of what you went through and we only get dealt what we can handle.
So take pride in your strength.
Take pride in YOU.
I love you so much.
May you forgive yourself as I forgive you in totality.