The endless searching.....
Times have come and they have gone and my quest has changed immensely. Once upon a time my quest was to be happy, then my quest became a search for an answer, why am I so sad, my quest changed again, why am I so angry, why am I so sad, where can I go next, what country haven't I been to, what forest have I not touched, why have the souls of my feet never touched earth in the winter, what do the seasons mean, what is energy, what is reiki, do we have a soul, is this life real, does physical reality even exist, what part of me is lost, did that just happen, where did trees come from, how do spirits receive nourishment, where does energy come from, why am I so sad, is this what being happy feels like, wood is so cool, water is amazing, fire is my favourite, air is confusing, where do the thoughts go when we stop searching?
This list could go on and on and on and on, just as most things in life if they go unchecked. I am an answer seeker, a no bullshit taker kind of person. This can be a beautiful gift or it can become something I need to pull back in. When I start searching, I SEARCH until I believe I know. I always end up at a crossroads however and that is because how do we ever truly know. How can we trust what we have learnt or read or seen to be true?
The search of who we are and who we want to be plays a large role in our lives and what I find rather interesting is that we often seek that information from people, places and things outside of ourself. When we are young we are given tasks, clothing, books, friends and it isn't until we are a little older that we usually start to feel disconnected. Why is that? I believe it is because through the power of constant suggestion and bombardments from society of WHO humans are has infiltrated out psyche on so many levels that if we want to do something that feels different, we restrict and do not allow that part of us to come out. It is that part, those many weird and different parts that make up who we are in our unique way. The search for who we are starts when we are young and gets lost somewhere in school and in jobs. Wear this, don't wear that, play this sport not that sport, girls can do this, guys can do that, it starts changing what we want or believe we want without even giving us a fighting chance.
The everlasting, never ending beauty of the searching comes from the ability to create and become everything you'd like to be and nothing you don't. It becomes a black hole of creation and surrendering to the greatest you that exists - the you without the details or the frills or the balls or the boobs. It becomes a powerful meditation to sit and create a life worth searching for. It takes a powerful human to stand up against the life they have built and start again.
I humble to you and ask you, as I ask myself, where can I keep searching, where can I keep digging, where can I lose the mask and lose the guards, where can I soften and surrender to the life of my dreams?
Don't stop searching and creating for yourself, that is a key part of being in this human body.
With love always,